[ He's not entirely sure how they got here either. He's not reflecting, not thinking about what he wants out of his words, and that's half the problem, though it's also a relief after having to guard whatever he says for so damn long.
And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 03:57 pm (UTC)And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
Fight for him.
Please. ]