[ Reyes got busier than expected today -- that was fine. Balthier came by while the other worked to just be around or see to matters of his own often enough that he was used to Reyes's time being occupied. Honestly, the normalcy of it and the sense that they could keep on their separate lives in each others' vicinity was a good deal of the appeal. And maybe the affectionate looks and soft touches and stolen kisses between. It was a good spread, all told.
Balthier's preoccupied, besides. He and Fran have just returned from a trip to Ivalice -- probably another reason he just wants to be near to Reyes -- and both Ashe and Larsa have renewed their offers to make a position for him, some sort of interplanetary affairs piece. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want anything that ties him down or locks him in or forces him to play some part he hasn't agreed to.
But, Scions, they need it. He's about the only person with any experience on this side of the galaxy, who has any sense what the peoples out here want and expect, or what of Ivalice's could be valuable. He's trying. He could get the right people in touch, keep any eye; he doesn't mind being an informant. And he doesn't want Ivalice getting taken advantage of or left behind, or worse, being attacked for its resources. So he's started to massage his networks, drop information here and there, see what starts to come out of the woodwork and intelligence networks alike.
Of course, the pay of a real position would be nice. But being an official would require residency. Formal ceremonies. Dressing like his damn father.
Being away more.
He sighs. He's had this back in forth in his head about seventy times now. Fran will laugh at him later, and tell him to toss it to the skies and let the winds steer them. She's better at that than he is. ]
[Sometimes he felt bad when Balthier came around and he was actually busy. Not just sitting on his ass in Tartarus answering emails and delegating things to his people. He'd only managed a quick kiss and the promise of being back soon before he'd headed out.
Maybe the 'soon' wasn't as soon as he'd have liked, the meet up with some contacts went slightly sideways, until it didn't and that was aggravating enough, but then Keema wanted to see him. So there was that as well. Talking through some more delicate things, policies and the like. Running a trade port was a lot of work, especially behind the shadows, but he had a lot of good people to help. Still, he's apologetic when he messages Balthier to let him know he'll be done soon.]
I hope you've not died of boredom, kitten.
[Not that he has any doubts Balthier could easily keep himself entertained. Kadara Port had more than enough ways to get into trouble, that and a good drink. Or both.
He'll sweep into his home not long after the messages, eager to pull off his gloves and get out of his suit into something more comfortable and enjoy the sky pirate's company.]
How goes Ivalice?
[Off come his boots and he'll smile over at Balthier, shrugging partially out of that damnable suit.]
It'd be nice to join you again soon, it's hard to forget how beautiful it was.
[ Balthier is perfectly aware of the risks that come with showing up somewhat unannounced; truly, he doesn't mind. It's worth the brief contact after some time away. And, honestly, he likes the way Reyes is conflicted about leaving -- even if he'd never dream of keeping him from work -- and the promise of returning. Besides, he likes having Reyes's full attention so he'd rather wait.
He's busy enough with his own things he needs to follow up on, and collecting his thoughts besides. He's learned to use technology, but he still keeps and honest-to-god notebook in his looping handwriting. Can't hack a notebook, and he's careful to keep it secure. At home it would have been magicked to only open for him, but, well, no Mist.
In all honesty, he's starting to wonder if he should go home and try Reyes again another day, maybe with some warning, when the text comes, and he's grinning like a teenager hanging around for their first love. ]
Deceased. I now haunt your apartment.
[ The text gives him enough time to put his things away, transition his own head back to the present, and put in a food delivery order. He suspects Reyes hasn't eaten today, and he'd very much like to stay in curled up together. When Reyes gets in, he'll have a drink ready for each of them, smiling as Reyes goes to free himself from his suit. He quite likes that he's one of the only people to see Reyes in regular clothes on the regular, and he also likes how a few of his shirts have made it into the rotation.
He'll sip at his drink, perching against the arm of a couch as Reyes moves about the apartment. ]
Chaotic. Busy. Clamoring for my attention. You'd think a territory couldn't survive without its favorite hero.
[ Which was its own headache. He still isn't used to being so recognized. Freedom of movement is more limited because of it. Anything he does is likely to be reported ten times over, make it back to Ashe and Larsa, who were lovely to see but painfully limited and distant because of the constraints of office. Nothing's the same these days. Some of that certainly makes it into his face and the pitch of his voice. ]
It was also sorely lacking a certain beautiful smuggler. Say the word and I'll whisk you away again, preferably with less near-death dramatics. I haven't even begun to show you the beauty.
[ Not entirely true; they had that stunning view, and Rabanstre is lovely. But they'd both been so tired that they'd spent a good deal of the trip in the Strahl or just wandering the city's markets. Hardly a taste of the vast region. ]
Also, come here. [ He beckons as Reyes looks more settled, crossing to catch him by the waist and kiss him properly. Hello. I missed you. ]
[Balthier perched like a cat on the arm of his couch is a sight that's hard to keep his eyes off as he gets comfortable. He'd change into something else, but the shirt and pants under his suit are fine for the moment. Besides, he's kept Balthier waiting long enough hasn't he?]
Stop being so good at playing hero and maybe they'll forget you.
[He highly doubts it, how could anyone forget someone like Balthier? Someone like him was meant to be remembered. There's more to Balthier's words though, but perhaps that was something to question after they'd settled in. There's a drink waiting for him and he'll happily pluck that up, enjoying some as Balthier speaks of whisking him away to Ivalice again. Honestly that would be lovely and he'd not argue against it sometime in the near future, Rabanastre had been delightful with the sky pirate as his guide, he couldn't remember being so full after all of the street food they'd tried.
The nap that followed back on the Strahl had been just as pleasant.]
I'm lucky that I get a piece of Ivalice all to myself.
[Beckoned over he'll smile warmly, hand up to hold his drink out of the way as he's pulled into a kiss. Reyes sighs into it, tired, but delighted that now they can relax together. Everything is worth it to have these moments.]
I promise you my success at being heroic was hardly intentional.
[ Leading man, yes. Hero, no. There's an expectation of purity, of being larger than life in a way that removes humanity, that he absolutely despises about hero. Infamous pirate is preferable every time. Scions, villain is preferable. And at least then he could get things done.
None of that matters here though, in Kadara largely, but especially tucked in Reyes's arms. Of all the stories he's heard of himself, Reyes's is by far his favorite. ]
You have captured its most elusive pirate, my dear. They'll want to interview you, steal your secrets. Too bad your methods will only ever work for one man.
[ That pleased sigh puts a grin on his lips as they press against Reyes's, soft and hot and blessedly familiar. It's been too long, though admittedly it's always been too long. Reyes is like water; he'll always need more. He spreads his hand wide on Reyes's lower back, enjoying the feel of it through the thin fabric of his shirt, and presses them together. They look a bit like dancers, both balancing their drinks out like that. Besotted fools.
The kiss breaks only enough for Reyes to murmur against his lips and Scions that's always so hot. How can his thoughts be so consumed by this man, and yet his memory and fantasy never quite live up? ]
Must have missed me terribly if I'm having that much of an effect on you already.[ Murmured back, face kept close, nuzzling his nose to Reyes's. He thinks of sex when they're apart, no doubt, but even more he yearns for kisses and soft tender touches and being snuggled together. ] Kiss me again.
You would stumble gracefully into being the hero wouldn't you? Now they can't get enough of you.
[He's more than happy to oblige another kiss, hand holding the back of Balthier's neck as he maybe steals more than just one kiss. Terribly greedy, as they've established more than once.]
Mm... I always miss you, but if you were here all the time I'd never get a damn thing done. [Chuckled as he'll pull away to sit on the couch, hand tugging Balthier to join him. Since they're not locked at the lips he'll actually enjoy some of his drink, humming appreciatively.]
They'd never get anything out of me by the way. I'm too selfish, would hate to give any secrets that could possibly steal you away.
[ He lets Reyes tug him down to the couch, his ass right up against Reyes's so he can worm under his arm. You'd think they'd been apart months with the way they can't let any distance between them. Balthier grins at Reyes's confirmation of missing him, the way he relaxes into this and enjoys his drink. It's not the first time it's occurred to Balthier that there are parts of domesticity he deeply enjoys. The Venn Diagram with 'includes Reyes' is a circle. ]
You can always send me away. I'll go. Just say the word. I wouldn't dream of compromising your work. [ Usually. In aggregate. When he's sure things aren't too pressing, he absolutely enjoys presenting himself as an increasing distraction. ]
Reyes Vidal, caught and being tortured for information, still worried about someone else touching me.
[ His eyes sparkle as he takes a sip of his own drink. Reyes isn't jealous, not the kind that is suspicious or keeps Balthier from work or friends or being himself. But oh is he possessive, so clear in wanting Balthier to himself where it matters, and Balthier will never grow tired of hearing it. ]
[Arm curled around the pirate he'll hug him close against his side. Honestly he'd never have considered himself the domestic type either, but there's something inherently different about the privacy of 'home' with someone you love. The energy of a bar or club have a time and place for sure, but the warmth and stillness of home and being cuddled close with just the desire to be near one another?
Reyes wouldn't trade that for anything.]
Don't speak nonsense.
[Murmured as he presses a kiss against the side of Balthier's head. Send him away? As if he could even if he wanted to.]
They could chop me into Chocobo kibble and I'd still give them nothing. [A beat.] ... do those things eat meat?
[ Balthier is entirely in accordance with that. Not that they've ever talked about it because Scions forbid two men in love put words to anything they're feeling or doing. Balthier's never said those three words again, and he sure has slipped out of confirming with Reyes that they're boyfriends or that they're exclusive, things he deeply wants.
But in moments like this it doesn't matter, because he's so damned happy. As Reyes kisses his head, he curls in further, tucking his legs up. He's about two steps away from entirely being a lap cat; the drink is about the only thing preventing him. ]
Fear not, chocobos do not eat meat, but they will still bite you. Maybe next time we visit I will take you riding. [ Next time. Many next times. ] But there's plenty of other things to feed you to. Dragons. Wolves. Elemental blobs of gelatin. Dinosaurs.
[ Oh, he doesn't want to mention his one order of business before they entirely settle in. ]
By the way, I expect you'll be getting a message from an Ivalician pirate who goes by Garuda. He's a bit slippery, but he does good business, and he controls a good deal of Nabudis's sky crystal [ the stuff that makes Ivalician vehicles fly ]. I pointed him toward the Charlatan, said he could mention knowing me, and I trust you and your people will handle the rest.
[ If Reyes and Kadara can get into the sky crystal trade, they'll be the only ones off world dealing it in it, and with a good trade deal back, it can bolster both worlds' technology. What's more, the money will be going into rebuilding Nabudis, which needs it, and keeps the power balance between Dalmasca and Archades. It's taking care of Larsa and Ashe too, and preventing another planet Balthier trusts less from getting sky crystal.
He put a lot of effort and a lot of planning into this. Has been extremely careful who knows who he's talking to and what his end goal is; mostly Fran, and any in between who has had to know.
Reyes has been trying to get a good deal set up with Ivalice, too. Everything fell into place. And now Balthier is looking forward to just resting and enjoying being back where he most wants to be. ]
[Discussing important things like that? Sounds dangerous. No, no it was more that in his mind if they didn't verbally confirm that they were serious then nothing bad could happen. Nothing could break them apart right? Utterly foolish of course, that's not how things worked at all, but everyone is allowed to be a little stupid when it comes to love. Right?]
Should I be worried? People thought I was terrible, you sound like you know exactly where to toss a body if you need to get rid of one.
[He's joking of course, joking. Honestly the last thing he wants to think of or discuss is work when he's got Balthier snuggled up on the couch with him like this. He earns his pet name more often than not with how he curls up with him.]
Mm?
[Reyes hums curious as he takes a sip of his drink. Ivalice was a new line of trade he wanted to tap into badly, getting in early would benefit the Collective and Kadara. What benefitted him and his people then would Benefit the Initiative which would help the outposts across Andromeda grow faster, better. Also he'd like to get in first to keep more... unsavory sorts from digging their claws in where they shouldn't. They could come through him instead. Not that he couldn't be unsavory, but he liked to think he was a little better, besides Balthier would be a good between man as he's showing already.
But something catches his attention and he'll tilt his head down at Balthier, brows furrowed a bit.]
You give him my contacts?
[Because that could be... problematic. Reyes Vidal's contacts were for Reyes Vidal, who is not supposed to be the same man as The Charlatan. Even though he is.]
[ Oh, Reyes, that is the sweetest reason for being an absolute idiot. Balthier's made some level of peace with the fact that Reyes clearly wants him around, but also seems skittish around anything heavy, and he's been trying to respect that.
Maybe that was part of the urge for this gesture without consulting with Reyes first. That was what he wanted, right? To just make decisions and glance over them to each other? ]
I told him how to reach Keema, and that she likely could get a line through, and that I'd follow up.
[ He waves it off. He's old hat at this sort of information passing off, and maybe some part of him is disappointed -- if not entirely surprised -- Reyes isn't more pleased with his efforts. He's cautious; he has to be, and everyone knows a deal isn't a deal until the goods are in hand. ]
But we can talk work later.
[ He didn't really want to open it so much as give Reyes a heads up, and now he's done that, and would like to go back to being welcomed home. He nuzzles against Reyes's neck, sighing happily at his familiar scent. ]
[He'd come clean about his secrets, the ones that had torn his last barely budding relationship apart so in his head he's doing great. He's not hiding who he is from Balthier and they were closer than he could have ever imagined. Reyes is still working on the whole I love you thing, but that's his baggage not Balthier's.]
Mm... good... Keema will let me know then.
[That's a relief actually. For a moment he'd thought Balthier had blown his cover, but he should have known better. Balthier was smarter than anyone gave him credit for. Maybe that worked to his benefit sometimes. He's more than happy to not discuss work anymore, tired and content to enjoy the company of the sky pirate. Fingers come up to play with the hairs at the back of Balthier's head, smiling, sinking more into the couch and the comfort of the other's warmth.]
It's hard to miss you when you're always on my mind.
[He has no excuse for being corny, except for being smitten. Reyes twirls some bits of hair between his fingers, resting his cheek against Balthier's head.]
Next time though, it'd be best if you brought these things to me first, hm?
[Reyes adds on as an after thought, because he'd rather go over things first before Balthier went setting up deals. Have an idea of what's going on before things come his way if possible.]
[ Between the whole calling Balthier to nearly die in his arms episode and Reyes trusting him with knowledge that he was the Charlatan, Balthier was genuinely feeling that whatever there were, it was deep and it was fairly stable. Unfortunately, he also felt given those two incidents that anything not specifically offered was thus specifically a demand for space. Which he has worked extremely hard to respect, even though he's aware some part of him resents the distance.
So even though Reyes is melting around him, and Balthier feels his own stress and concern leaving him under the shivery pleasure of having his head scratched and being given corny affirmations of being wanted and oh he sighs as Reyes's cheek lays against his head--
A wave of irritation still runs through him, hot, at that comment. ]
Ah yes, because the two things you like most are me discussing Charlatan affairs and us being direct.
[ Don't do this, Balthier.
Reyes isn't his father, isn't someone who looks to knock him down when he does a good thing, or change the rules so he can't win. He knows that.
But he's tired, and he put so much into this, and maybe he was expecting a thank you or Reyes being impressed with him or something that wasn't a suggestion that he needed to be supervised. In piracy. In Ivalice.
Or for, you know, listening to Reyes's insistence that Charlatan things stay secret and away from Balthier. ]
[Oh- that's... there's something to those words that has some bite to it. Reyes hand pauses and he'll pull back a bit. It's not even the Charlatan part that gets him, it's the part about being direct.
He knows that's something he has to work on still, Reyes isn't oblivious to his own faults when it comes to that, but even without that he thought things were okay. Clearly not if Balthier is commenting about it now, the bite of tired sarcasm not helping.]
If you're going to get involved in those affairs, yes.
[Which he really, truly, wished Balthier wouldn't, but he knows his intentions were good. They would likely be beneficial too, he wouldn't argue that, but still. The less Balthier was connected to The Charlatan the better. It was bad enough he was connected to Reyes Vidal.
Also yes he realizes he should have said 'thank you', but that's going to get lost in the middle of this won't it?]
[ It's not an unreasonable request. It's just...late. And feels criticizing, along with that hand pulling away from him. Like he's having his wrist slapped for being a bad child. ]
Well then give me an expectation before I break it next time. Mind reading isn't among my talents.
[ There's definitely bite in his voice this time and Scions he's not sure if he's more irritated with Reyes or himself, the words coming before he can stop them. Some part of him wants to bury his face in Reyes's side and be held, like he really is a small boy. Some other part is near daring Reyes to push him away, call him out.
Stop, Balthier. Let it go.
But he doesn't want to. And that scares him. ]
Reyes, I'm a pirate. From Ivalice. And in the pocket of at least two governments who are trying to set up trade with Kadara. You can't ask me to not be what I am.
[ He hasn't moved away yet, but he's acutely aware that the closeness is now edging on uncomfortable. Scions. Stop stop. ]
The lack of touch isn't meant to be punishing, but as things turn towards an argument Reyes arm settles on the back of the couch instead of around the sky pirate. His drink is set aside as well as he sits up a bit.]
You know that's not what I'm saying.
[He would never try to change what Balthier is, never expect him to be anything else. Isn't that why they understood each other as well as they did? Both pirates in their own definition and both understood they had their lives beyond each other.]
I want this and appreciate what you're doing, but not when you attaching yourself to the Charlatan puts you in danger, Balthier.
[Again it's not like he's exactly explained any of this, but maybe wrongly assumed that the whole secret identity thing would have tipped Balthier off that it was something not to muck around with. Just because he wanted to keep the Charlatan separate from what they had didn't mean he wasn't giving everything he could to what they had together.
[ Just take a deep breath. Apologize. Go take a walk to the bathroom.
All of those options are there. He even thinks about taking one, but he feels like he accidentally opened some door and now all the contents are spilling out. And the reality is, there's a release in saying some of it, and much worse than that, a kind of reckless need to see how far he can push before Reyes breaks or calls him off.
That arm comes off, and Balthier puts his drink down too, shifting away, even if all he wants is Reyes to put his arms around him and pull him back. ]
I didn't attach myself. I made myself a removed, unaffiliated contact. Like you wanted. I could have done this much faster and with a better hand for you if I hadn't listened. [ That part's...at least in earnest. ] But I see. Seasoned pirate who found mythical tombs, has demi-gods bent to his will, slayed a god, and killed his own father to stop a war, then flew out to the stars knowing nothing about them is delicate and can't be left to handle things himself. That's why he's got an armada of spies trying to keep track of him, was stuck in meetings for two separate governments for three days, and everyone wants to park his ass in a quiet boring apartment somewhere where he can't break anything.
[ Oh maybe that has something to do with his mood.
And has he mentioned all of that before? Probably...not...He came out here to get away. He didn't want to be dragged back into Ivalician politics. But then he and Reyes had gone back, and Kadara and Ivalice were going to trade with each other one way or another, and Reyes was going to be in the middle of that anyway. ]
Ivalice is dangerous too. You have no idea what you're getting into.
[He wouldn't even need an apology, wouldn't want one. Reyes is just trying to understand how they went from settling in for a quiet night together to... this.
Maybe it something boiling underneath for a while now, maybe it wasn't entirely about them. There's a lot to unpack in what Balthier says and Reyes knows he can't in the moment, but he wants to.]
No I don't, none of us knew what we were getting into when we came to Andromeda. Only hope and that went to shit.
[It comes out harsher than he means to, not meant to be aimed at Balthier either, but he's aggravated that the sky pirate for whatever reason seems to think he sees him as some poor delicate damsel. Just because he wants to mitigate the danger he could face being involved with him. He knows Balthier can take care of himself, but it shouldn't be an invitation to have to.]
Tossing the Charlatan handle around isn't being unaffiliated, hell it would have been better if you sent them directly to me.
[At least name dropping Reyes Vidal would make more sense in the greater Andromeda trading circles. He was well known for his work and getting things done, even if his prices were a little high, he had a lot of connections too, but name dropping the Charlatan, even as careful as Balthier was... it still would raise eyebrows. Still would have people looking into it.]
I don't want to put you in a cage or clip your damn wings, Balthier, I just want you to be safe while you're out there flying. Maybe on Ivalice you command gods and have your life saving magicks, but out in the stars you're the same as anyone else.
[ He's not entirely sure how they got here either. He's not reflecting, not thinking about what he wants out of his words, and that's half the problem, though it's also a relief after having to guard whatever he says for so damn long.
And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
It's hard to get a word in and it's overwhelming, because yes some of this is undeniably his fault, but at the same time it feels like the pirate is grabbing at any wild assumption he can. Is this really how Balthier thinks Reyes sees him? Has he been so poor at communication that underneath the warm moments and flirty teasing he thought Reyes thought so little of him?
The longer this goes on they move slightly further apart and it's like he's losing him, like he will lose him and it frightens him. After Ryder... maybe that was the problem, the things he did now with Balthier and their relationship that was shooting them in the foot, because he didn't want a repeat of that. Some how it had made him say more but less at the same time.]
Balthier.
[It's blurted out, brows pinched tight and eyes shifting to try and get him to look at him. Please just look at him. They're still sitting close enough to be intimate and yet it feels like there's miles between them and his hand reach out to hold the pirate's arms. Just to make sure he's still there and won't disappear in a blink of an eye.
Where does he even start?]
Is that... how you think I see you? That you disappoint me?
[ Balthier's tongue is his sharpest weapon, followed by his ability to deflect and conceal. Excellent skills as a pirate. Not particularly useful in personal relationships.
The warmth between them was never disingenuous. It's not that Balthier was constantly harboring fear and hurt; honestly, usually when they're together he realizes what little of it he's aware of is silly. But it's insidious, and it's met up with old wounds and fatigue, and here he is, helpless against the depth of it.
Reyes saying his name like that, though, the touch on his arms, stabs straight through his spiral. He'd braced for criticism, for affirmations of his worst fears not for -- he does look up, wagging tongue now dry and speechless as he searches Reyes's face and finds...hurt. Concern.
He absolutely does not understand. He'd been told off. He'd bitten back. ]
I disappoint everyone eventually.
[ Barely more than a whisper, a sad plea he didn't mean to offer. Gods, if he hadn't disappointed him before tonight he certainly has now.
Except Reyes's arms are on him, holding him there, and that's not fitting into the equation he'd been mapping. ]
[It feels so quiet compared to a second ago. Balthier deflates and looks so small and vulnerable now, it hurts to see it. Sighing heavily his hands give a squeeze, some form of reassurance, that he wants Balthier here still.]
Not me. Not yet.
[Not yet, but even if he had, that doesn't mean that everything is over. That Balthier's worth to him as a person would lessen. People make mistakes, they fuck up, Reyes knows that all too well.]
... but you're right, I expected certain things from you when I hadn't explained any of it. Told you my big deep dark secret and that meant I was doing good. [Reyes shakes his head.] Or so I thought.
[Again there is so much more that needs to be said and addressed, but baby steps.]
[ The quiet gets deeper and more uncomfortable because Balthier is just. Staring. He’s not pulling away, but his lips are parted and his eyes are darting about Reyes’s face.
He knows he’s being terrible. He knows he’s overreacted. And he knows he’s right and now that he’s started naming his feelings, he knows he has legitimate concerns and has been wildly patient, and also has waited too long to say anything and— ]
Why are you being nice? [ It comes out as a hiss, but there isn’t as much bite to it. It’s not that the other things didn’t hit; he will undoubtedly replay them endlessly and try to integrate them into his existing narrative. But nothing about this interaction makes sense to him. His own anger wars with how surreal it is to just…have had an apology. It almost feels fake. ]
[It's a little disappointing when Balthier questions him. Does he not trust him? Do his words ring false? The hands on the pirate's arms slide down a little, grip loosening as he feels a bit lost himself right now.]
I could yell if it would help?
[Reyes winces and closes his eyes the second he says it. No, no don't- this is not the time to joke around. Another sigh, clipped, but it's frustration at himself at the situation. He's not sure how to navigate this. He'd not even gotten the chance to with Ryder. It was 'You're not the man I thought you were' and everything was over and it was back to business. Never discuss things again.
He couldn't do that with Balthier. Didn't want to either. He's unsure if his touch is wanted right now, but a hand grips at the back of Balthier's neck, squeezing gently as he lean in a little, eyes sad, but wanting to understand.]
It's not about being nice, Balthier, it's that I've wronged you. Wicked thief and murderous liar I might be when I have to, but... you're important to me. I want to do right by you.
[ There’s real hurt in Reyes’s face, in the coldness of that initial response. Balthier deserves both, even if some part of him is burning to chase it. See how it feels?
But it’s a passing anger. Hot until it crosses his mind and then immediately deflating. His heart hurts at seeing Reyes recoil like this and Scions he did that. This isn’t what he wanted. And now the shame is joining the rest of it and some part of him considers leaving, retreating to his fortress until he can sort this out, come back polished and ready to negotiate.
Assuming Reyes would even let him come back.
Then there’s a hand on his neck, pained words. Nowhere in his calculations had he considered that perhaps Reyes wasn’t … good at this.
That touch is the anchor her needs, the assurance that whatever is happening, whatever happened, this is still open between them. He’s not being told that he’s broken it and to go.
His chest is tight and his words are tighter. ]
I thought…you wanted space. Wanted to keep distance between us. And skies above I tried. I’ve told you. I’m melancholic and needy and clingy. I want all of you, to myself, indefinitely. And I know that isn’t fair to ask.
[ Except now that he’s saying it, he isn’t sure if any of that is true, outside the very real admission of what he wants.
He hesitantly sets his hand on Reyes’s leg. He doesn’t want him to go or yell or push him away. That would have just made it easier if he was being rejected.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
for @tobesomeone
Balthier's preoccupied, besides. He and Fran have just returned from a trip to Ivalice -- probably another reason he just wants to be near to Reyes -- and both Ashe and Larsa have renewed their offers to make a position for him, some sort of interplanetary affairs piece. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want anything that ties him down or locks him in or forces him to play some part he hasn't agreed to.
But, Scions, they need it. He's about the only person with any experience on this side of the galaxy, who has any sense what the peoples out here want and expect, or what of Ivalice's could be valuable. He's trying. He could get the right people in touch, keep any eye; he doesn't mind being an informant. And he doesn't want Ivalice getting taken advantage of or left behind, or worse, being attacked for its resources. So he's started to massage his networks, drop information here and there, see what starts to come out of the woodwork and intelligence networks alike.
Of course, the pay of a real position would be nice. But being an official would require residency. Formal ceremonies. Dressing like his damn father.
Being away more.
He sighs. He's had this back in forth in his head about seventy times now. Fran will laugh at him later, and tell him to toss it to the skies and let the winds steer them. She's better at that than he is. ]
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Maybe the 'soon' wasn't as soon as he'd have liked, the meet up with some contacts went slightly sideways, until it didn't and that was aggravating enough, but then Keema wanted to see him. So there was that as well. Talking through some more delicate things, policies and the like. Running a trade port was a lot of work, especially behind the shadows, but he had a lot of good people to help. Still, he's apologetic when he messages Balthier to let him know he'll be done soon.]
I hope you've not died of boredom, kitten.
[Not that he has any doubts Balthier could easily keep himself entertained. Kadara Port had more than enough ways to get into trouble, that and a good drink. Or both.
He'll sweep into his home not long after the messages, eager to pull off his gloves and get out of his suit into something more comfortable and enjoy the sky pirate's company.]
How goes Ivalice?
[Off come his boots and he'll smile over at Balthier, shrugging partially out of that damnable suit.]
It'd be nice to join you again soon, it's hard to forget how beautiful it was.
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He's busy enough with his own things he needs to follow up on, and collecting his thoughts besides. He's learned to use technology, but he still keeps and honest-to-god notebook in his looping handwriting. Can't hack a notebook, and he's careful to keep it secure. At home it would have been magicked to only open for him, but, well, no Mist.
In all honesty, he's starting to wonder if he should go home and try Reyes again another day, maybe with some warning, when the text comes, and he's grinning like a teenager hanging around for their first love. ]
Deceased. I now haunt your apartment.
[ The text gives him enough time to put his things away, transition his own head back to the present, and put in a food delivery order. He suspects Reyes hasn't eaten today, and he'd very much like to stay in curled up together. When Reyes gets in, he'll have a drink ready for each of them, smiling as Reyes goes to free himself from his suit. He quite likes that he's one of the only people to see Reyes in regular clothes on the regular, and he also likes how a few of his shirts have made it into the rotation.
He'll sip at his drink, perching against the arm of a couch as Reyes moves about the apartment. ]
Chaotic. Busy. Clamoring for my attention. You'd think a territory couldn't survive without its favorite hero.
[ Which was its own headache. He still isn't used to being so recognized. Freedom of movement is more limited because of it. Anything he does is likely to be reported ten times over, make it back to Ashe and Larsa, who were lovely to see but painfully limited and distant because of the constraints of office. Nothing's the same these days. Some of that certainly makes it into his face and the pitch of his voice. ]
It was also sorely lacking a certain beautiful smuggler. Say the word and I'll whisk you away again, preferably with less near-death dramatics. I haven't even begun to show you the beauty.
[ Not entirely true; they had that stunning view, and Rabanstre is lovely. But they'd both been so tired that they'd spent a good deal of the trip in the Strahl or just wandering the city's markets. Hardly a taste of the vast region. ]
Also, come here. [ He beckons as Reyes looks more settled, crossing to catch him by the waist and kiss him properly. Hello. I missed you. ]
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Stop being so good at playing hero and maybe they'll forget you.
[He highly doubts it, how could anyone forget someone like Balthier? Someone like him was meant to be remembered. There's more to Balthier's words though, but perhaps that was something to question after they'd settled in. There's a drink waiting for him and he'll happily pluck that up, enjoying some as Balthier speaks of whisking him away to Ivalice again. Honestly that would be lovely and he'd not argue against it sometime in the near future, Rabanastre had been delightful with the sky pirate as his guide, he couldn't remember being so full after all of the street food they'd tried.
The nap that followed back on the Strahl had been just as pleasant.]
I'm lucky that I get a piece of Ivalice all to myself.
[Beckoned over he'll smile warmly, hand up to hold his drink out of the way as he's pulled into a kiss. Reyes sighs into it, tired, but delighted that now they can relax together. Everything is worth it to have these moments.]
It's very sexy of you when you order me around...
[Murmured into another kiss.]
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[ Leading man, yes. Hero, no. There's an expectation of purity, of being larger than life in a way that removes humanity, that he absolutely despises about hero. Infamous pirate is preferable every time. Scions, villain is preferable. And at least then he could get things done.
None of that matters here though, in Kadara largely, but especially tucked in Reyes's arms. Of all the stories he's heard of himself, Reyes's is by far his favorite. ]
You have captured its most elusive pirate, my dear. They'll want to interview you, steal your secrets. Too bad your methods will only ever work for one man.
[ That pleased sigh puts a grin on his lips as they press against Reyes's, soft and hot and blessedly familiar. It's been too long, though admittedly it's always been too long. Reyes is like water; he'll always need more. He spreads his hand wide on Reyes's lower back, enjoying the feel of it through the thin fabric of his shirt, and presses them together. They look a bit like dancers, both balancing their drinks out like that. Besotted fools.
The kiss breaks only enough for Reyes to murmur against his lips and Scions that's always so hot. How can his thoughts be so consumed by this man, and yet his memory and fantasy never quite live up? ]
Must have missed me terribly if I'm having that much of an effect on you already.[ Murmured back, face kept close, nuzzling his nose to Reyes's. He thinks of sex when they're apart, no doubt, but even more he yearns for kisses and soft tender touches and being snuggled together. ] Kiss me again.
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[He's more than happy to oblige another kiss, hand holding the back of Balthier's neck as he maybe steals more than just one kiss. Terribly greedy, as they've established more than once.]
Mm... I always miss you, but if you were here all the time I'd never get a damn thing done. [Chuckled as he'll pull away to sit on the couch, hand tugging Balthier to join him. Since they're not locked at the lips he'll actually enjoy some of his drink, humming appreciatively.]
They'd never get anything out of me by the way. I'm too selfish, would hate to give any secrets that could possibly steal you away.
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You can always send me away. I'll go. Just say the word. I wouldn't dream of compromising your work. [ Usually. In aggregate. When he's sure things aren't too pressing, he absolutely enjoys presenting himself as an increasing distraction. ]
Reyes Vidal, caught and being tortured for information, still worried about someone else touching me.
[ His eyes sparkle as he takes a sip of his own drink. Reyes isn't jealous, not the kind that is suspicious or keeps Balthier from work or friends or being himself. But oh is he possessive, so clear in wanting Balthier to himself where it matters, and Balthier will never grow tired of hearing it. ]
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Reyes wouldn't trade that for anything.]
Don't speak nonsense.
[Murmured as he presses a kiss against the side of Balthier's head. Send him away? As if he could even if he wanted to.]
They could chop me into Chocobo kibble and I'd still give them nothing. [A beat.] ... do those things eat meat?
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But in moments like this it doesn't matter, because he's so damned happy. As Reyes kisses his head, he curls in further, tucking his legs up. He's about two steps away from entirely being a lap cat; the drink is about the only thing preventing him. ]
Fear not, chocobos do not eat meat, but they will still bite you. Maybe next time we visit I will take you riding. [ Next time. Many next times. ] But there's plenty of other things to feed you to. Dragons. Wolves. Elemental blobs of gelatin. Dinosaurs.
[ Oh, he doesn't want to mention his one order of business before they entirely settle in. ]
By the way, I expect you'll be getting a message from an Ivalician pirate who goes by Garuda. He's a bit slippery, but he does good business, and he controls a good deal of Nabudis's sky crystal [ the stuff that makes Ivalician vehicles fly ]. I pointed him toward the Charlatan, said he could mention knowing me, and I trust you and your people will handle the rest.
[ If Reyes and Kadara can get into the sky crystal trade, they'll be the only ones off world dealing it in it, and with a good trade deal back, it can bolster both worlds' technology. What's more, the money will be going into rebuilding Nabudis, which needs it, and keeps the power balance between Dalmasca and Archades. It's taking care of Larsa and Ashe too, and preventing another planet Balthier trusts less from getting sky crystal.
He put a lot of effort and a lot of planning into this. Has been extremely careful who knows who he's talking to and what his end goal is; mostly Fran, and any in between who has had to know.
Reyes has been trying to get a good deal set up with Ivalice, too. Everything fell into place. And now Balthier is looking forward to just resting and enjoying being back where he most wants to be. ]
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Should I be worried? People thought I was terrible, you sound like you know exactly where to toss a body if you need to get rid of one.
[He's joking of course, joking. Honestly the last thing he wants to think of or discuss is work when he's got Balthier snuggled up on the couch with him like this. He earns his pet name more often than not with how he curls up with him.]
Mm?
[Reyes hums curious as he takes a sip of his drink. Ivalice was a new line of trade he wanted to tap into badly, getting in early would benefit the Collective and Kadara. What benefitted him and his people then would Benefit the Initiative which would help the outposts across Andromeda grow faster, better. Also he'd like to get in first to keep more... unsavory sorts from digging their claws in where they shouldn't. They could come through him instead. Not that he couldn't be unsavory, but he liked to think he was a little better, besides Balthier would be a good between man as he's showing already.
But something catches his attention and he'll tilt his head down at Balthier, brows furrowed a bit.]
You give him my contacts?
[Because that could be... problematic. Reyes Vidal's contacts were for Reyes Vidal, who is not supposed to be the same man as The Charlatan. Even though he is.]
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Maybe that was part of the urge for this gesture without consulting with Reyes first. That was what he wanted, right? To just make decisions and glance over them to each other? ]
I told him how to reach Keema, and that she likely could get a line through, and that I'd follow up.
[ He waves it off. He's old hat at this sort of information passing off, and maybe some part of him is disappointed -- if not entirely surprised -- Reyes isn't more pleased with his efforts. He's cautious; he has to be, and everyone knows a deal isn't a deal until the goods are in hand. ]
But we can talk work later.
[ He didn't really want to open it so much as give Reyes a heads up, and now he's done that, and would like to go back to being welcomed home. He nuzzles against Reyes's neck, sighing happily at his familiar scent. ]
I missed having you near me.
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Mm... good... Keema will let me know then.
[That's a relief actually. For a moment he'd thought Balthier had blown his cover, but he should have known better. Balthier was smarter than anyone gave him credit for. Maybe that worked to his benefit sometimes. He's more than happy to not discuss work anymore, tired and content to enjoy the company of the sky pirate. Fingers come up to play with the hairs at the back of Balthier's head, smiling, sinking more into the couch and the comfort of the other's warmth.]
It's hard to miss you when you're always on my mind.
[He has no excuse for being corny, except for being smitten. Reyes twirls some bits of hair between his fingers, resting his cheek against Balthier's head.]
Next time though, it'd be best if you brought these things to me first, hm?
[Reyes adds on as an after thought, because he'd rather go over things first before Balthier went setting up deals. Have an idea of what's going on before things come his way if possible.]
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So even though Reyes is melting around him, and Balthier feels his own stress and concern leaving him under the shivery pleasure of having his head scratched and being given corny affirmations of being wanted and oh he sighs as Reyes's cheek lays against his head--
A wave of irritation still runs through him, hot, at that comment. ]
Ah yes, because the two things you like most are me discussing Charlatan affairs and us being direct.
[ Don't do this, Balthier.
Reyes isn't his father, isn't someone who looks to knock him down when he does a good thing, or change the rules so he can't win. He knows that.
But he's tired, and he put so much into this, and maybe he was expecting a thank you or Reyes being impressed with him or something that wasn't a suggestion that he needed to be supervised. In piracy. In Ivalice.
Or for, you know, listening to Reyes's insistence that Charlatan things stay secret and away from Balthier. ]
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He knows that's something he has to work on still, Reyes isn't oblivious to his own faults when it comes to that, but even without that he thought things were okay. Clearly not if Balthier is commenting about it now, the bite of tired sarcasm not helping.]
If you're going to get involved in those affairs, yes.
[Which he really, truly, wished Balthier wouldn't, but he knows his intentions were good. They would likely be beneficial too, he wouldn't argue that, but still. The less Balthier was connected to The Charlatan the better. It was bad enough he was connected to Reyes Vidal.
Also yes he realizes he should have said 'thank you', but that's going to get lost in the middle of this won't it?]
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Well then give me an expectation before I break it next time. Mind reading isn't among my talents.
[ There's definitely bite in his voice this time and Scions he's not sure if he's more irritated with Reyes or himself, the words coming before he can stop them. Some part of him wants to bury his face in Reyes's side and be held, like he really is a small boy. Some other part is near daring Reyes to push him away, call him out.
Stop, Balthier. Let it go.
But he doesn't want to. And that scares him. ]
Reyes, I'm a pirate. From Ivalice. And in the pocket of at least two governments who are trying to set up trade with Kadara. You can't ask me to not be what I am.
[ He hasn't moved away yet, but he's acutely aware that the closeness is now edging on uncomfortable. Scions. Stop stop. ]
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The lack of touch isn't meant to be punishing, but as things turn towards an argument Reyes arm settles on the back of the couch instead of around the sky pirate. His drink is set aside as well as he sits up a bit.]
You know that's not what I'm saying.
[He would never try to change what Balthier is, never expect him to be anything else. Isn't that why they understood each other as well as they did? Both pirates in their own definition and both understood they had their lives beyond each other.]
I want this and appreciate what you're doing, but not when you attaching yourself to the Charlatan puts you in danger, Balthier.
[Again it's not like he's exactly explained any of this, but maybe wrongly assumed that the whole secret identity thing would have tipped Balthier off that it was something not to muck around with. Just because he wanted to keep the Charlatan separate from what they had didn't mean he wasn't giving everything he could to what they had together.
Or so he thought.]
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All of those options are there. He even thinks about taking one, but he feels like he accidentally opened some door and now all the contents are spilling out. And the reality is, there's a release in saying some of it, and much worse than that, a kind of reckless need to see how far he can push before Reyes breaks or calls him off.
That arm comes off, and Balthier puts his drink down too, shifting away, even if all he wants is Reyes to put his arms around him and pull him back. ]
I didn't attach myself. I made myself a removed, unaffiliated contact. Like you wanted. I could have done this much faster and with a better hand for you if I hadn't listened. [ That part's...at least in earnest. ] But I see. Seasoned pirate who found mythical tombs, has demi-gods bent to his will, slayed a god, and killed his own father to stop a war, then flew out to the stars knowing nothing about them is delicate and can't be left to handle things himself. That's why he's got an armada of spies trying to keep track of him, was stuck in meetings for two separate governments for three days, and everyone wants to park his ass in a quiet boring apartment somewhere where he can't break anything.
[ Oh maybe that has something to do with his mood.
And has he mentioned all of that before? Probably...not...He came out here to get away. He didn't want to be dragged back into Ivalician politics. But then he and Reyes had gone back, and Kadara and Ivalice were going to trade with each other one way or another, and Reyes was going to be in the middle of that anyway. ]
Ivalice is dangerous too. You have no idea what you're getting into.
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Maybe it something boiling underneath for a while now, maybe it wasn't entirely about them. There's a lot to unpack in what Balthier says and Reyes knows he can't in the moment, but he wants to.]
No I don't, none of us knew what we were getting into when we came to Andromeda. Only hope and that went to shit.
[It comes out harsher than he means to, not meant to be aimed at Balthier either, but he's aggravated that the sky pirate for whatever reason seems to think he sees him as some poor delicate damsel. Just because he wants to mitigate the danger he could face being involved with him. He knows Balthier can take care of himself, but it shouldn't be an invitation to have to.]
Tossing the Charlatan handle around isn't being unaffiliated, hell it would have been better if you sent them directly to me.
[At least name dropping Reyes Vidal would make more sense in the greater Andromeda trading circles. He was well known for his work and getting things done, even if his prices were a little high, he had a lot of connections too, but name dropping the Charlatan, even as careful as Balthier was... it still would raise eyebrows. Still would have people looking into it.]
I don't want to put you in a cage or clip your damn wings, Balthier, I just want you to be safe while you're out there flying. Maybe on Ivalice you command gods and have your life saving magicks, but out in the stars you're the same as anyone else.
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And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
Fight for him.
Please. ]
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It's hard to get a word in and it's overwhelming, because yes some of this is undeniably his fault, but at the same time it feels like the pirate is grabbing at any wild assumption he can. Is this really how Balthier thinks Reyes sees him? Has he been so poor at communication that underneath the warm moments and flirty teasing he thought Reyes thought so little of him?
The longer this goes on they move slightly further apart and it's like he's losing him, like he will lose him and it frightens him. After Ryder... maybe that was the problem, the things he did now with Balthier and their relationship that was shooting them in the foot, because he didn't want a repeat of that. Some how it had made him say more but less at the same time.]
Balthier.
[It's blurted out, brows pinched tight and eyes shifting to try and get him to look at him. Please just look at him. They're still sitting close enough to be intimate and yet it feels like there's miles between them and his hand reach out to hold the pirate's arms. Just to make sure he's still there and won't disappear in a blink of an eye.
Where does he even start?]
Is that... how you think I see you? That you disappoint me?
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The warmth between them was never disingenuous. It's not that Balthier was constantly harboring fear and hurt; honestly, usually when they're together he realizes what little of it he's aware of is silly. But it's insidious, and it's met up with old wounds and fatigue, and here he is, helpless against the depth of it.
Reyes saying his name like that, though, the touch on his arms, stabs straight through his spiral. He'd braced for criticism, for affirmations of his worst fears not for -- he does look up, wagging tongue now dry and speechless as he searches Reyes's face and finds...hurt. Concern.
He absolutely does not understand. He'd been told off. He'd bitten back. ]
I disappoint everyone eventually.
[ Barely more than a whisper, a sad plea he didn't mean to offer. Gods, if he hadn't disappointed him before tonight he certainly has now.
Except Reyes's arms are on him, holding him there, and that's not fitting into the equation he'd been mapping. ]
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Not me. Not yet.
[Not yet, but even if he had, that doesn't mean that everything is over. That Balthier's worth to him as a person would lessen. People make mistakes, they fuck up, Reyes knows that all too well.]
... but you're right, I expected certain things from you when I hadn't explained any of it. Told you my big deep dark secret and that meant I was doing good. [Reyes shakes his head.] Or so I thought.
[Again there is so much more that needs to be said and addressed, but baby steps.]
I'm sorry.
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He knows he’s being terrible. He knows he’s overreacted. And he knows he’s right and now that he’s started naming his feelings, he knows he has legitimate concerns and has been wildly patient, and also has waited too long to say anything and— ]
Why are you being nice? [ It comes out as a hiss, but there isn’t as much bite to it. It’s not that the other things didn’t hit; he will undoubtedly replay them endlessly and try to integrate them into his existing narrative. But nothing about this interaction makes sense to him. His own anger wars with how surreal it is to just…have had an apology. It almost feels fake. ]
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I could yell if it would help?
[Reyes winces and closes his eyes the second he says it. No, no don't- this is not the time to joke around. Another sigh, clipped, but it's frustration at himself at the situation. He's not sure how to navigate this. He'd not even gotten the chance to with Ryder. It was 'You're not the man I thought you were' and everything was over and it was back to business. Never discuss things again.
He couldn't do that with Balthier. Didn't want to either. He's unsure if his touch is wanted right now, but a hand grips at the back of Balthier's neck, squeezing gently as he lean in a little, eyes sad, but wanting to understand.]
It's not about being nice, Balthier, it's that I've wronged you. Wicked thief and murderous liar I might be when I have to, but... you're important to me. I want to do right by you.
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But it’s a passing anger. Hot until it crosses his mind and then immediately deflating. His heart hurts at seeing Reyes recoil like this and Scions he did that. This isn’t what he wanted. And now the shame is joining the rest of it and some part of him considers leaving, retreating to his fortress until he can sort this out, come back polished and ready to negotiate.
Assuming Reyes would even let him come back.
Then there’s a hand on his neck, pained words. Nowhere in his calculations had he considered that perhaps Reyes wasn’t … good at this.
That touch is the anchor her needs, the assurance that whatever is happening, whatever happened, this is still open between them. He’s not being told that he’s broken it and to go.
His chest is tight and his words are tighter. ]
I thought…you wanted space. Wanted to keep distance between us. And skies above I tried. I’ve told you. I’m melancholic and needy and clingy. I want all of you, to myself, indefinitely. And I know that isn’t fair to ask.
[ Except now that he’s saying it, he isn’t sure if any of that is true, outside the very real admission of what he wants.
He hesitantly sets his hand on Reyes’s leg. He doesn’t want him to go or yell or push him away. That would have just made it easier if he was being rejected.
He hasn’t considered that he wouldn’t be. ]
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