[ Between the whole calling Balthier to nearly die in his arms episode and Reyes trusting him with knowledge that he was the Charlatan, Balthier was genuinely feeling that whatever there were, it was deep and it was fairly stable. Unfortunately, he also felt given those two incidents that anything not specifically offered was thus specifically a demand for space. Which he has worked extremely hard to respect, even though he's aware some part of him resents the distance.
So even though Reyes is melting around him, and Balthier feels his own stress and concern leaving him under the shivery pleasure of having his head scratched and being given corny affirmations of being wanted and oh he sighs as Reyes's cheek lays against his head--
A wave of irritation still runs through him, hot, at that comment. ]
Ah yes, because the two things you like most are me discussing Charlatan affairs and us being direct.
[ Don't do this, Balthier.
Reyes isn't his father, isn't someone who looks to knock him down when he does a good thing, or change the rules so he can't win. He knows that.
But he's tired, and he put so much into this, and maybe he was expecting a thank you or Reyes being impressed with him or something that wasn't a suggestion that he needed to be supervised. In piracy. In Ivalice.
Or for, you know, listening to Reyes's insistence that Charlatan things stay secret and away from Balthier. ]
[Oh- that's... there's something to those words that has some bite to it. Reyes hand pauses and he'll pull back a bit. It's not even the Charlatan part that gets him, it's the part about being direct.
He knows that's something he has to work on still, Reyes isn't oblivious to his own faults when it comes to that, but even without that he thought things were okay. Clearly not if Balthier is commenting about it now, the bite of tired sarcasm not helping.]
If you're going to get involved in those affairs, yes.
[Which he really, truly, wished Balthier wouldn't, but he knows his intentions were good. They would likely be beneficial too, he wouldn't argue that, but still. The less Balthier was connected to The Charlatan the better. It was bad enough he was connected to Reyes Vidal.
Also yes he realizes he should have said 'thank you', but that's going to get lost in the middle of this won't it?]
[ It's not an unreasonable request. It's just...late. And feels criticizing, along with that hand pulling away from him. Like he's having his wrist slapped for being a bad child. ]
Well then give me an expectation before I break it next time. Mind reading isn't among my talents.
[ There's definitely bite in his voice this time and Scions he's not sure if he's more irritated with Reyes or himself, the words coming before he can stop them. Some part of him wants to bury his face in Reyes's side and be held, like he really is a small boy. Some other part is near daring Reyes to push him away, call him out.
Stop, Balthier. Let it go.
But he doesn't want to. And that scares him. ]
Reyes, I'm a pirate. From Ivalice. And in the pocket of at least two governments who are trying to set up trade with Kadara. You can't ask me to not be what I am.
[ He hasn't moved away yet, but he's acutely aware that the closeness is now edging on uncomfortable. Scions. Stop stop. ]
The lack of touch isn't meant to be punishing, but as things turn towards an argument Reyes arm settles on the back of the couch instead of around the sky pirate. His drink is set aside as well as he sits up a bit.]
You know that's not what I'm saying.
[He would never try to change what Balthier is, never expect him to be anything else. Isn't that why they understood each other as well as they did? Both pirates in their own definition and both understood they had their lives beyond each other.]
I want this and appreciate what you're doing, but not when you attaching yourself to the Charlatan puts you in danger, Balthier.
[Again it's not like he's exactly explained any of this, but maybe wrongly assumed that the whole secret identity thing would have tipped Balthier off that it was something not to muck around with. Just because he wanted to keep the Charlatan separate from what they had didn't mean he wasn't giving everything he could to what they had together.
[ Just take a deep breath. Apologize. Go take a walk to the bathroom.
All of those options are there. He even thinks about taking one, but he feels like he accidentally opened some door and now all the contents are spilling out. And the reality is, there's a release in saying some of it, and much worse than that, a kind of reckless need to see how far he can push before Reyes breaks or calls him off.
That arm comes off, and Balthier puts his drink down too, shifting away, even if all he wants is Reyes to put his arms around him and pull him back. ]
I didn't attach myself. I made myself a removed, unaffiliated contact. Like you wanted. I could have done this much faster and with a better hand for you if I hadn't listened. [ That part's...at least in earnest. ] But I see. Seasoned pirate who found mythical tombs, has demi-gods bent to his will, slayed a god, and killed his own father to stop a war, then flew out to the stars knowing nothing about them is delicate and can't be left to handle things himself. That's why he's got an armada of spies trying to keep track of him, was stuck in meetings for two separate governments for three days, and everyone wants to park his ass in a quiet boring apartment somewhere where he can't break anything.
[ Oh maybe that has something to do with his mood.
And has he mentioned all of that before? Probably...not...He came out here to get away. He didn't want to be dragged back into Ivalician politics. But then he and Reyes had gone back, and Kadara and Ivalice were going to trade with each other one way or another, and Reyes was going to be in the middle of that anyway. ]
Ivalice is dangerous too. You have no idea what you're getting into.
[He wouldn't even need an apology, wouldn't want one. Reyes is just trying to understand how they went from settling in for a quiet night together to... this.
Maybe it something boiling underneath for a while now, maybe it wasn't entirely about them. There's a lot to unpack in what Balthier says and Reyes knows he can't in the moment, but he wants to.]
No I don't, none of us knew what we were getting into when we came to Andromeda. Only hope and that went to shit.
[It comes out harsher than he means to, not meant to be aimed at Balthier either, but he's aggravated that the sky pirate for whatever reason seems to think he sees him as some poor delicate damsel. Just because he wants to mitigate the danger he could face being involved with him. He knows Balthier can take care of himself, but it shouldn't be an invitation to have to.]
Tossing the Charlatan handle around isn't being unaffiliated, hell it would have been better if you sent them directly to me.
[At least name dropping Reyes Vidal would make more sense in the greater Andromeda trading circles. He was well known for his work and getting things done, even if his prices were a little high, he had a lot of connections too, but name dropping the Charlatan, even as careful as Balthier was... it still would raise eyebrows. Still would have people looking into it.]
I don't want to put you in a cage or clip your damn wings, Balthier, I just want you to be safe while you're out there flying. Maybe on Ivalice you command gods and have your life saving magicks, but out in the stars you're the same as anyone else.
[ He's not entirely sure how they got here either. He's not reflecting, not thinking about what he wants out of his words, and that's half the problem, though it's also a relief after having to guard whatever he says for so damn long.
And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
It's hard to get a word in and it's overwhelming, because yes some of this is undeniably his fault, but at the same time it feels like the pirate is grabbing at any wild assumption he can. Is this really how Balthier thinks Reyes sees him? Has he been so poor at communication that underneath the warm moments and flirty teasing he thought Reyes thought so little of him?
The longer this goes on they move slightly further apart and it's like he's losing him, like he will lose him and it frightens him. After Ryder... maybe that was the problem, the things he did now with Balthier and their relationship that was shooting them in the foot, because he didn't want a repeat of that. Some how it had made him say more but less at the same time.]
Balthier.
[It's blurted out, brows pinched tight and eyes shifting to try and get him to look at him. Please just look at him. They're still sitting close enough to be intimate and yet it feels like there's miles between them and his hand reach out to hold the pirate's arms. Just to make sure he's still there and won't disappear in a blink of an eye.
Where does he even start?]
Is that... how you think I see you? That you disappoint me?
[ Balthier's tongue is his sharpest weapon, followed by his ability to deflect and conceal. Excellent skills as a pirate. Not particularly useful in personal relationships.
The warmth between them was never disingenuous. It's not that Balthier was constantly harboring fear and hurt; honestly, usually when they're together he realizes what little of it he's aware of is silly. But it's insidious, and it's met up with old wounds and fatigue, and here he is, helpless against the depth of it.
Reyes saying his name like that, though, the touch on his arms, stabs straight through his spiral. He'd braced for criticism, for affirmations of his worst fears not for -- he does look up, wagging tongue now dry and speechless as he searches Reyes's face and finds...hurt. Concern.
He absolutely does not understand. He'd been told off. He'd bitten back. ]
I disappoint everyone eventually.
[ Barely more than a whisper, a sad plea he didn't mean to offer. Gods, if he hadn't disappointed him before tonight he certainly has now.
Except Reyes's arms are on him, holding him there, and that's not fitting into the equation he'd been mapping. ]
[It feels so quiet compared to a second ago. Balthier deflates and looks so small and vulnerable now, it hurts to see it. Sighing heavily his hands give a squeeze, some form of reassurance, that he wants Balthier here still.]
Not me. Not yet.
[Not yet, but even if he had, that doesn't mean that everything is over. That Balthier's worth to him as a person would lessen. People make mistakes, they fuck up, Reyes knows that all too well.]
... but you're right, I expected certain things from you when I hadn't explained any of it. Told you my big deep dark secret and that meant I was doing good. [Reyes shakes his head.] Or so I thought.
[Again there is so much more that needs to be said and addressed, but baby steps.]
[ The quiet gets deeper and more uncomfortable because Balthier is just. Staring. He’s not pulling away, but his lips are parted and his eyes are darting about Reyes’s face.
He knows he’s being terrible. He knows he’s overreacted. And he knows he’s right and now that he’s started naming his feelings, he knows he has legitimate concerns and has been wildly patient, and also has waited too long to say anything and— ]
Why are you being nice? [ It comes out as a hiss, but there isn’t as much bite to it. It’s not that the other things didn’t hit; he will undoubtedly replay them endlessly and try to integrate them into his existing narrative. But nothing about this interaction makes sense to him. His own anger wars with how surreal it is to just…have had an apology. It almost feels fake. ]
[It's a little disappointing when Balthier questions him. Does he not trust him? Do his words ring false? The hands on the pirate's arms slide down a little, grip loosening as he feels a bit lost himself right now.]
I could yell if it would help?
[Reyes winces and closes his eyes the second he says it. No, no don't- this is not the time to joke around. Another sigh, clipped, but it's frustration at himself at the situation. He's not sure how to navigate this. He'd not even gotten the chance to with Ryder. It was 'You're not the man I thought you were' and everything was over and it was back to business. Never discuss things again.
He couldn't do that with Balthier. Didn't want to either. He's unsure if his touch is wanted right now, but a hand grips at the back of Balthier's neck, squeezing gently as he lean in a little, eyes sad, but wanting to understand.]
It's not about being nice, Balthier, it's that I've wronged you. Wicked thief and murderous liar I might be when I have to, but... you're important to me. I want to do right by you.
[ There’s real hurt in Reyes’s face, in the coldness of that initial response. Balthier deserves both, even if some part of him is burning to chase it. See how it feels?
But it’s a passing anger. Hot until it crosses his mind and then immediately deflating. His heart hurts at seeing Reyes recoil like this and Scions he did that. This isn’t what he wanted. And now the shame is joining the rest of it and some part of him considers leaving, retreating to his fortress until he can sort this out, come back polished and ready to negotiate.
Assuming Reyes would even let him come back.
Then there’s a hand on his neck, pained words. Nowhere in his calculations had he considered that perhaps Reyes wasn’t … good at this.
That touch is the anchor her needs, the assurance that whatever is happening, whatever happened, this is still open between them. He’s not being told that he’s broken it and to go.
His chest is tight and his words are tighter. ]
I thought…you wanted space. Wanted to keep distance between us. And skies above I tried. I’ve told you. I’m melancholic and needy and clingy. I want all of you, to myself, indefinitely. And I know that isn’t fair to ask.
[ Except now that he’s saying it, he isn’t sure if any of that is true, outside the very real admission of what he wants.
He hesitantly sets his hand on Reyes’s leg. He doesn’t want him to go or yell or push him away. That would have just made it easier if he was being rejected.
[Sometimes easier isn't always the best option, even if we want it to be. The hand on his leg is a reassurance that okay, good, they're getting some where and that's all he can ask for right now.
They're both listening to each other.]
Believe me, kitten, I've known some of this for a while now.
[The pet name harkening back to that drunken night for Balthier when he'd been a clingy lap cat and earned 'kitten' from Reyes.]
I want space between you and the Charlatan, Balthier.
[Which might make it sound like he wants space between them, but that's not what he means.]
We both have our enemies, highlights of our day jobs, but the people that want to get to the Charlatan would do anything and- [His hand slides up, cupping behind Balthier's ear now, thumb brushing across his cheek.] Leading man and god-slayer you might be, but when I think about what they would do to you...
[Shaking his head a little, his eyes close as he gently pulls Balthier in closer to touch their foreheads together. It was never about Balthier not being capable of protecting himself, it was the 'what ifs'. Like when the Kett dropped a surprise attack on that trade outpost and Reyes almost died. Shit happens, he knows this and there's still so much out here in Andromeda that Balthier and Fran aren't familiar with that for all their knowledge, strengths and skill, just one little slip up, one roll of the dice that didn't land in their favor...]
Edited (fixes typo even tho i'm sure i've missed 20 others) Date: 2022-06-29 12:29 am (UTC)
[ Both listening is the part that has him so confused, even if he's finding himself deeply relieved to have read this very very wrong.
The use of his pet name -- of endearment, affection, pleasure despite him being a mess and behaving poorly some other time -- eases his fear further and again when Reyes touches his face, then presses their foreheads together. He's not certain he deserves this, but maybe this conversation is past keeping a ledger of who did what and to what end. Maybe he forgets to leave that at work sometimes; this is something entirely different than piracy, entirely different than anything else he's ever done.
He sighs, sliding his hand further up Reyes's thigh, gripping more tightly to assure he's no longer thinking about bolting, that the last thing he wants between them is distance.
That's why he was upset, after all. ]
We do both have our enemies. Don't think I haven't spent a good deal of hours and energy considering what danger I am to you and how to mitigate it. Watching you nearly die in arms once was enough, thank you. [ He's honestly touched that this is coming from a place of...of fear of loss, of him. But that doesn't mean it isn't condescending in some way, that it doesn't leave him feeling like he's being told off for being himself within the unfair constraints given. ]
We are both dating dangerous men, hmm? [ Because they are. Dating. ] That isn't going to change, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you -- or leave you, mortally or otherwise. So have a conversation with me. Let me know what I'm up against, or what I'm avoiding, instead of leaving me to bang around in the dark and cross some line I didn't know about and feel set up to fail.
I'm a good listener, Reyes. But I can't hear what's never been said to me. [ That leaves him to try to fill in the gaps. And clearly he hasn't done so correctly. ]
[It's a gentle tease, trying for a bit of normalcy. Wouldn't it be nice though if their lives of danger overlapped and negated one another? Would make all of this worrying easier.
But Balthier is right, it's not fair of Reyes to expect him to understand and follow rules when he's missing half the rulebook.]
Sometimes the darkness has its uses, but you're right... not like this.
[God but he wants to kiss him so badly now, but things are probably still a little too tense for that. He sits back, but is still close, fingers lightly brushing along Balthier's ear, toying with the earrings that adorn it.]
I've no doubt you've heard of the Outcasts and the name Sloane tossed around while on Kadara. Before you took flight to the stars they ruled Kadara Port, that is until the Charlatan killed Sloane and her vermin scattered. Needless to say we've had some problems squashing the rest of the Outcasts and there are others with their views too. Detractors to those who work with the Initiative. The people the Pathfinder works for, Ryder works for.
[Scott Ryder, the human Pathfinder for the Initiative. The people that those from the Milky Way galaxy came with to the Andromeda galaxy, looking for new worlds, new chances at life. Ryder with his crew had been working tirelessly to make multiple planets livable so they could set up outposts that would one day grow to be proper cities and civilizations. It was still very much a work in progress every where, Kadara was no different.]
There are people who would do anything to get to the Charlatan, to me, for... revenge, to take back Kadara as some sort of middle finger to the Initiative, but they don't have the numbers to take Kadara by force. So they're looking for any one they can get to who could possibly know, even just an inkling of the Charlatan's true identity.
[Reyes shifts to lean back against the couch, hand resting on Balthier's arm with a squeeze. Any distance between them right now still needs that reassurance he feels.]
It's all very dramatic, but dangerous. Keema is all but trapped in Kadara Port under constant guard as she's the obvious direct connection to me. Not that I think she would ever give me away, but... I'd rather her not get hurt because of me, nor do I want that for you. [He sighs, heavy, tired, but not at Balthier.] Any trade that the Charlatan would set up with Ivalice would be seen as gain for the Initiative, more reason for my enemies to snatch up whatever and whoever they can.
He's equally frozen by the gentle touch at his ear, the quiet intimacy of the way Reyes likes to fiddle with his jewelry when they talk, and the words tumbling out of him. Even when he sits back, his hand lingers.
Balthier's brow knits as Reyes speaks. Is...is Reyes afraid of losing him? ]
I've had a price on my head since I was 16. I've been hunted and caught by more angry pirates than I can count. The most powerful military in the world was after me by thirty. I know how this works.
[ His hand comes up to clasp the one at his arm. ] But I'm not used to my missteps effecting someone else. [ He and Fran were so inseparable that it was different. That and they made their decisions regarding risk together. ]
I ran this person entirely through Keema. I don't think there's an issue with it sounding like I knew anything more, and I have political reason in Ivalice to want this particular pirate to get the deal. I --
[ How much has he told Reyes, really? He sighs at himself. ]
You know I killed a god. I also killed my father, to prevent more genocide, and the prevent the Empire from crushing more countries under its boot. We won, barely. That lost princess is a queen now. Another of my contacts is the king of the former empire. Scions, Reyes, they both want me there, as an advisor, as a head of intelligence, as a...a piece of all this.
I left when I was a teen to avoid all that. It doesn't matter how far I run, I always get pulled back in. Hells I ran to the other end of the stars and they're still pulling me back.
[ He's talking partly to cover that he's still thinking through Reyes's words, through being let in and the ways this fills and corrects gaps in his model of things. And partly to try to offer some understanding of why this is all hit so hard today. ]
Perhaps the best foot forward is for me to be seeking out the Charlatan. If I am too emphatic I don't know them, it could be suspicious, and claiming that I do as a sort of bravado invites someone taking me at my word.
And -- maybe we need to give each other some primers on the whose who of our worlds.
[ It's his turn to slip a hand against Reyes's cheek. It's hesitant, and some part of him is still worried it isn't welcome, that he's broken something. At least he's always been good at putting on the face he wants, not the face he feels. ]
We're going to have to find a way to make this work.
[What he's starting to realize is for all they know the real 'them' behind their facades, there's still so much they haven't told one another. For better or worse. Here now though they've cut themselves open and are bleeding out to one another, figuratively of course.
There it is again, Balthier says he killed his own father, but this time there's a little more to it. God he can't imagine having that put on his shoulders. Killing family or letting people die. He can see now how the sky pirate could be insulted or hurt that he doesn't think he can handle some scoundrels wanting to kidnap or hurt him over the identity or one man. Not that it was ever that for Reyes. Balthier was very capable, even without his magicks, but it didn't stop him from being concerned.
It didn't make him feel any better knowing he was putting him in danger. That's what it was after all. Existing in his orbit was a danger and that was something he'd dragged Balthier into from the very start. It's best to let Balthier get it all out, he doesn't want to talk over him anyway. His head tilts into the hand at his cheek and he'll sigh softly, nodding.]
I'll put together dossiers on groups and people you should be knowledgeable about.
[His hand moves to lightly rest over Balthier's, face turning so he can press a kiss into his palm. His touch is always welcome, he wants him here, nothing has changed. Well. Things have changed, but not in that regard.]
This must all seem childish compared to your life, I guess you really weren't making it up when you said you were the leading man, mi amor.
[Reyes doesn't even realize he's slipped in the term of endearment, holding Balthier's hand in his lap.]
... I'm sorry, about your father, that can't have been an easy decision. [His fingers lightly brush over the sky pirate's hand, gentle, careful. There's hesitation in his words as he speaks again.] I-- can't say I like your idea, but you might be right. Either way you're putting yourself in danger. The Charlatan. Reyes Vidal. Your own wild life as the leading man.
[There's a lot he has to consider now. Not just in regard to Balthier.]
Maybe I shouldn't hide anymore. Either way people I care about, those who work for me, they're in danger, hiding behind titles and in shadows only complicates that. Not in a good way.
[ When this started, Balthier had thought their private lives, their pasts and their current work alike, didn't matter between them. They saw the real pieces of each other, and both respected that distance. But he's starting to suspect it can't work like that. Their real lives keep going, and the deeper they become entangled, the more those omissions feel like wounds.
Right now, though, his chest pulls tight. He hasn't let himself dwell on images of a future, convincing himself that Reyes not returning his confession of love was a line in the sand. Not that it's done anything to keep him away; no, it's only made him conscious of wanting a thing he likely can't have, and he's old hat at that.
Now, though, with Reyes spilling his thoughts like this, kissing Balthier's palm and clinging to him like he'll drift away, he's wondering if he hasn't been a complete fool. Reyes, who has never said an unkind thing about him, who always has time for him, who looks at him like he's something precious. Reyes, who doesn't like to say anything directly. ]
I rarely make things up about my life; it's unbelievable enough on it's own. But the teeth of a dog are as real as the teeth of a wyrm. Both can kill. [ He doesn't recognize the words Reyes says, from his mother tongue by the way the sounds fit snugly with his accent, but he recognizes a term of endearment, some kind of claim on his heart. He squeezes Reyes's hand, and shifts so their legs are touching, because that seems important. ] I am not insinuating either of us is more or less than the other; that is my point. We are both plenty steeped in danger on our own. Let us at least enjoy the benefits of being together, then.
[ His mouth goes dry at the next part, I'm sorry about your father. He swallows but it doesn't help. Fran's the only person he's really talked to about it; he often brushes that incident off as triumphant pirate drama, but -- it hurts to hear it, the good sort of hurt. Permission for it to hurt. Followed by you might be right and maybe I shouldn't hide anymore.
He shifts again, half in Reyes's lap so he can press their foreheads together, clasp the back of Reyes's head in his hand. ]
You don't need to make any life altering decisions tonight, but I'll support you in what you choose. They both have their benefits, secrecy and being in the open.
[At first their separate lives had worked well, but now... the closer they get the more entangled they become and it's no longer just good clean fun and flirting around.
But Balthier is worth this. Balthier is worth changing for, even if that change isn't that significant in the scheme of things. It's not even that he's changing because of any push or shove from Balthier's side of things, but because he wants to be a better man.
The better man Ryder saw him in, the man that Balthier sees in him too. Maybe he's already that, but sometimes he's not sure who or what he is. He's been a lot of things since coming to Andromeda, especially to Kadara... perhaps taking all those faces and masks and putting them into one would be the best thing.]
You could tell me you were a god yourself and I might believe, you know.
[It feels good when Balthier makes another point of connection between them, more reassurance for the both of them. Finally it feels like he can breathe a little easier, like there's a light at the end of whatever tunnel they'd been in. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips, head nodding.]
All I can ask of you is to be patient with me. I'm a foolish man, Balthier. Add it to the list, right? Greedy, selfish and foolish, not sure why you put up with my nonsense.
[He's mostly joking, but a part of him does wonder sometimes.]
Promise I won't make any decisions irrationally, I have to talk with Keema about this. You'll be the second to know when I've made a decision.
[Because Keema will be the first, as his right hand woman.]
[ He knows all about having a right hand woman who is privy to every decision, first. Likes that that's something Reyes understands, honestly.
And the rest of it, well, he's starting to reach disbelief saturation. It may be a good thing he doesn't know Reyes is feeling moved to change if not for him, in relation to him. What he does know is this man makes him feel somehow simultaneously out of his depth, utterly off balanced, and entirely rooted. Home.
Reyes's plea, gentle and playful as it is, pulls a kiss from him, quick, apology and forgiveness. There's a real benefit to not having to belabor everything with words. ]
Just how I like you. [ Because it's abundantly clear Balthier is those things too, and needs a good deal of patience, and it seems like they're both alright with that arrangement. He's thinking about addressing the end of that, or what the agreement to his request means to him, but there's a knock at the door.
He sits back, chuckling. ] I ordered us food. [ He goes to collect it -- some take out place they both like, something Reyes introduced him to, but when he comes to set it on the coffee table, he pauses at his bag, fishing out a small, pretty wooden box. He sits again, a little farther away but leg touching again, because he wants to see Reyes's face as he hands it to him. ]
Brought you something back.
[ Inside is a long glimmering green pendant on a thin chain, long enough it would sit entirely under most of Reyes's shirt necks. ]
It's a protect charm -- in Ivalice it would actually dull any physical damage toward your body. I've genuinely no idea if the spell will work away from the Mist, nor if it will work upon return, but what's romance if not symbolism and wishful thinking?
[ And maybe he worries about Reyes too, even if this is objectively not much in the way of actual protection. ]
[He'd thought they'd both understood each other a lot more because of their more shady lifestyle, but it seemed like only some of that was true. At least now they're learning they can come to one another with these things and talk them out. As rocky as that might be.
They'd come out the other side still together, as thick as thieves. The kiss Balthier pecks him with is not long enough, not after everything and he follows after the pirate when he pulls back wanting more. Before he can pull Balthier back in they're interrupted, but his hand still loosely manages to reach for the sky pirate's wrist, lamely letting him go at the mention of food.
Oh. Yeah, no. Food sounded great actually. His stomach agrees, grumbling at the mention of sustenance.]
This doesn't look like food.
[Reyes teases lightly when Balthier returns with a little box. Oh, the little box is for him. He takes it gently, brows pinching slightly looking at it then up at the pirate. There's no point in asking what it is, he can open and see, which he does and Balthier is happy to provide any answers he might have as his fingers gingerly pluck the long charm up.
A protection charm?
Balthier is still talking and while he hears his words, he can't stop looking at the charm in his palm now, a soft smirk on his face.]
It will be a piece of you next to my heart.
[And having Balthier with him all the time in some sort of way was better than any spell or magick he could ever ask for. Maybe not in terms of protecting him, but shh, let him be a sappy romantic. Putting the pendant on, the thin chain around his neck, he'll smile up at Balthier now and reaches for him.]
Come here-
[There may be food waiting for them, but he wants more of his sky pirate. The kiss is demanding, but quickly softens as Reyes steals one kiss after another. Cupping Balthier's face, he'll then nuzzle in against his ear, murmuring.]
Dreadfully romantic of you, mi amor.
[And this time it's not said as a slip of the tongue. Balthier may not know what it means, but he means it all the same.]
[ The way Reyes follows after him, pulls for his lips and his wrist -- it's good for Balthier. He's been so worried that when his emotions eventually got the better of him, and they always do, all it could do was break this beautiful thing they have between them. But instead he feels like their roots have entrenched more deeply, entwined further together. A funny thing, a sky pirate wanting to take root.
He's back in a moment though, because he doesn't want to be away a moment longer than he has to. He missed Reyes, and he really thought for a few minutes -- it's past, now, and he's grinning a little too widely at Reyes's joke because he's just happy that's where they are again, and then Reyes's face changes and it will be a piece of you next to my heart. His grin is so wide even before Reyes's hand curls around him, lips taking his and he kisses back with all the fear and relief and love that's been bubbling inside him, arms sliding around Reyes's back and body shifting in close as kiss gives way to kiss and it's just so good to be here, to be okay, to -- to be okay in spite of things being rocky.
And when Reyes takes his face, nuzzles against him like that, he sighs, a shiver going through him followed by deep-seeded warmth. And here he'd been worried this was too sappy, too much like a lover's token.
Banish the thought, Balthier. This man likes you as you are. ]
You've said that one before; are you going to translate, or leave me guessing, my treasure. [ He doesn't use that one often, but it's very much on his mind right now. There is no one like Reyes; he's seen enough of the universe to feel confident in that. And he has no interest in letting the other farther from him than is strictly necessary for at least the rest of the night. And right now, admittedly, he wants to be crystal clear that Reyes is his, and cherished, and those things have not changed tonight. ]
A lover's token... oh definitely. While Reyes has his own hang ups concerning his own baggage, this maybe untangles a little of that without either of them realizing.
And this stumble of there's was a good lesson for the both of them as well. That they could trip up, but after picking themselves up brush the dust off and keep going. Together. The way Balthier moves closer, his arms wrapped around him, there's so much relief in that. They're okay and they can get through these rough moments, still love one another.]
My love.
[Because he does love him. They're both such romantic saps with their pet names and terms of endearment, how can anyone stand being around them? He wants to do nothing than pull Balthier onto his lap, kiss him breathless and tell him he's his love over and over, but they really should get to that food... Reyes instead does neither, but keeps Balthier where he is, nudging his nose with his own playfully.]
It's Spanish, the language spoken where I was born on Earth.
[ Balthier is figuring that out, and he's just going to get sappier as he does. Apologies to everyone who has to deal with them, except he's not remotely sorry; this is too rare and precious a thing for him to conceal it for the benefit of others. Also he's selfish. Pirate.
Right now none of that could be farther from his mind, though, because Reyes said the L word with no hesitation -- has said it three times, really -- and Reyes's eyes are so soft and his face is absolutely radiating with affection. Balthier chuckles as Reyes bats against him, nuzzling his nose right back. ]
Your mother tongue, then? Reyes, I'm flattered. [ Murmured, because they are so close.
And look, food is important, yes, but this idiot man just fixed weeks worth of what Balthier expects was undue worrying and genuine miscommunication. And frankly, he doesn't care about that, because however they got here, he's content. Elated, even.
His legs shift, more or less straddling Reyes as one hand curls around a fistful of cloth and shirt fabric, like he could hold his heart in his hand. Nosing against Reyes once more, he breaks their touch only to press their lips together, deep and slow. For once Balthier isn't thinking about anything else, isn't calculating and weighing options or trying to make the best decision. He has the man he loves -- then man who loves him, and Scions, what a fool, hasn't he know that awhile now? -- has him here, and they are okay, they are wonderful, and nothing else quite matters. ]
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 09:26 pm (UTC)So even though Reyes is melting around him, and Balthier feels his own stress and concern leaving him under the shivery pleasure of having his head scratched and being given corny affirmations of being wanted and oh he sighs as Reyes's cheek lays against his head--
A wave of irritation still runs through him, hot, at that comment. ]
Ah yes, because the two things you like most are me discussing Charlatan affairs and us being direct.
[ Don't do this, Balthier.
Reyes isn't his father, isn't someone who looks to knock him down when he does a good thing, or change the rules so he can't win. He knows that.
But he's tired, and he put so much into this, and maybe he was expecting a thank you or Reyes being impressed with him or something that wasn't a suggestion that he needed to be supervised. In piracy. In Ivalice.
Or for, you know, listening to Reyes's insistence that Charlatan things stay secret and away from Balthier. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-26 11:09 pm (UTC)He knows that's something he has to work on still, Reyes isn't oblivious to his own faults when it comes to that, but even without that he thought things were okay. Clearly not if Balthier is commenting about it now, the bite of tired sarcasm not helping.]
If you're going to get involved in those affairs, yes.
[Which he really, truly, wished Balthier wouldn't, but he knows his intentions were good. They would likely be beneficial too, he wouldn't argue that, but still. The less Balthier was connected to The Charlatan the better. It was bad enough he was connected to Reyes Vidal.
Also yes he realizes he should have said 'thank you', but that's going to get lost in the middle of this won't it?]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 12:04 am (UTC)Well then give me an expectation before I break it next time. Mind reading isn't among my talents.
[ There's definitely bite in his voice this time and Scions he's not sure if he's more irritated with Reyes or himself, the words coming before he can stop them. Some part of him wants to bury his face in Reyes's side and be held, like he really is a small boy. Some other part is near daring Reyes to push him away, call him out.
Stop, Balthier. Let it go.
But he doesn't want to. And that scares him. ]
Reyes, I'm a pirate. From Ivalice. And in the pocket of at least two governments who are trying to set up trade with Kadara. You can't ask me to not be what I am.
[ He hasn't moved away yet, but he's acutely aware that the closeness is now edging on uncomfortable. Scions. Stop stop. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 12:45 am (UTC)The lack of touch isn't meant to be punishing, but as things turn towards an argument Reyes arm settles on the back of the couch instead of around the sky pirate. His drink is set aside as well as he sits up a bit.]
You know that's not what I'm saying.
[He would never try to change what Balthier is, never expect him to be anything else. Isn't that why they understood each other as well as they did? Both pirates in their own definition and both understood they had their lives beyond each other.]
I want this and appreciate what you're doing, but not when you attaching yourself to the Charlatan puts you in danger, Balthier.
[Again it's not like he's exactly explained any of this, but maybe wrongly assumed that the whole secret identity thing would have tipped Balthier off that it was something not to muck around with. Just because he wanted to keep the Charlatan separate from what they had didn't mean he wasn't giving everything he could to what they had together.
Or so he thought.]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 01:08 am (UTC)All of those options are there. He even thinks about taking one, but he feels like he accidentally opened some door and now all the contents are spilling out. And the reality is, there's a release in saying some of it, and much worse than that, a kind of reckless need to see how far he can push before Reyes breaks or calls him off.
That arm comes off, and Balthier puts his drink down too, shifting away, even if all he wants is Reyes to put his arms around him and pull him back. ]
I didn't attach myself. I made myself a removed, unaffiliated contact. Like you wanted. I could have done this much faster and with a better hand for you if I hadn't listened. [ That part's...at least in earnest. ] But I see. Seasoned pirate who found mythical tombs, has demi-gods bent to his will, slayed a god, and killed his own father to stop a war, then flew out to the stars knowing nothing about them is delicate and can't be left to handle things himself. That's why he's got an armada of spies trying to keep track of him, was stuck in meetings for two separate governments for three days, and everyone wants to park his ass in a quiet boring apartment somewhere where he can't break anything.
[ Oh maybe that has something to do with his mood.
And has he mentioned all of that before? Probably...not...He came out here to get away. He didn't want to be dragged back into Ivalician politics. But then he and Reyes had gone back, and Kadara and Ivalice were going to trade with each other one way or another, and Reyes was going to be in the middle of that anyway. ]
Ivalice is dangerous too. You have no idea what you're getting into.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 02:23 pm (UTC)Maybe it something boiling underneath for a while now, maybe it wasn't entirely about them. There's a lot to unpack in what Balthier says and Reyes knows he can't in the moment, but he wants to.]
No I don't, none of us knew what we were getting into when we came to Andromeda. Only hope and that went to shit.
[It comes out harsher than he means to, not meant to be aimed at Balthier either, but he's aggravated that the sky pirate for whatever reason seems to think he sees him as some poor delicate damsel. Just because he wants to mitigate the danger he could face being involved with him. He knows Balthier can take care of himself, but it shouldn't be an invitation to have to.]
Tossing the Charlatan handle around isn't being unaffiliated, hell it would have been better if you sent them directly to me.
[At least name dropping Reyes Vidal would make more sense in the greater Andromeda trading circles. He was well known for his work and getting things done, even if his prices were a little high, he had a lot of connections too, but name dropping the Charlatan, even as careful as Balthier was... it still would raise eyebrows. Still would have people looking into it.]
I don't want to put you in a cage or clip your damn wings, Balthier, I just want you to be safe while you're out there flying. Maybe on Ivalice you command gods and have your life saving magicks, but out in the stars you're the same as anyone else.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 03:57 pm (UTC)And the thing is, he doesn't have a good grip on how Reyes sees him. He's so protective, so constantly worried for Balthier's safety, and yes, some part of that is wildly endearing, but maybe he's connected dots that aren't there, seeing a pattern of undermining his ability.
If he thought for a moment, if Fran were here to shake him out of this, he'd probably realize he was spinning narratives to protect himself from threats that weren't even there, and was being extremely unfair to Reyes's intentions along the way. Fran knows he gets like this; Balthier largely doesn't.
And the real problem is always that, to some extent, he's absolutely right. ]
Alright. Next time I will send them to you. Even though you are a pop song chorus of I'm worried about you being affiliated with me. Even though it kept me more out of danger this time to be a vague contact of a contact so they couldn't try to kidnap or pressure me to get to you. Even though I got you a better deal because people know I'm associated with you and would have been suspicious of my intentions. Even thought you've never talked to me about what boundaries you want between work and us.
[ His chest is tight and he feels so hot. There's a fire in him, not unlike being backed into a corner in a fight. He knows there's a not zero chance something will snap and he'll have to bolt, and yet here he is, voice even and eyes on fire, poking the beast.
Except? Reyes isn't the beast? He doesn't want to defeat this adversary. He wants--he wants--
That thought doesn't come together, because Reyes is saying good, reassuring things and then-- ]
Oh, I'm sorry. I hadn't realized I hadn't proven myself well enough to the great Charlatan. I'm just a green nobody, dime a dozen rogue, and I need to be babysat out here in the real world. Realizing I'm not special enough after all? That I'm disappointingly hume?
[ Balthier Balthier. His hands are shaking and he knows angry tears are about two sentences from manifesting and Scions this is embarrassing and what is he doing and why can't he stop and gods, Reyes, come on. Tell him he's wrong.
Fight for him.
Please. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-27 11:49 pm (UTC)It's hard to get a word in and it's overwhelming, because yes some of this is undeniably his fault, but at the same time it feels like the pirate is grabbing at any wild assumption he can. Is this really how Balthier thinks Reyes sees him? Has he been so poor at communication that underneath the warm moments and flirty teasing he thought Reyes thought so little of him?
The longer this goes on they move slightly further apart and it's like he's losing him, like he will lose him and it frightens him. After Ryder... maybe that was the problem, the things he did now with Balthier and their relationship that was shooting them in the foot, because he didn't want a repeat of that. Some how it had made him say more but less at the same time.]
Balthier.
[It's blurted out, brows pinched tight and eyes shifting to try and get him to look at him. Please just look at him. They're still sitting close enough to be intimate and yet it feels like there's miles between them and his hand reach out to hold the pirate's arms. Just to make sure he's still there and won't disappear in a blink of an eye.
Where does he even start?]
Is that... how you think I see you? That you disappoint me?
no subject
Date: 2022-06-28 12:22 am (UTC)The warmth between them was never disingenuous. It's not that Balthier was constantly harboring fear and hurt; honestly, usually when they're together he realizes what little of it he's aware of is silly. But it's insidious, and it's met up with old wounds and fatigue, and here he is, helpless against the depth of it.
Reyes saying his name like that, though, the touch on his arms, stabs straight through his spiral. He'd braced for criticism, for affirmations of his worst fears not for -- he does look up, wagging tongue now dry and speechless as he searches Reyes's face and finds...hurt. Concern.
He absolutely does not understand. He'd been told off. He'd bitten back. ]
I disappoint everyone eventually.
[ Barely more than a whisper, a sad plea he didn't mean to offer. Gods, if he hadn't disappointed him before tonight he certainly has now.
Except Reyes's arms are on him, holding him there, and that's not fitting into the equation he'd been mapping. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-28 04:41 am (UTC)Not me. Not yet.
[Not yet, but even if he had, that doesn't mean that everything is over. That Balthier's worth to him as a person would lessen. People make mistakes, they fuck up, Reyes knows that all too well.]
... but you're right, I expected certain things from you when I hadn't explained any of it. Told you my big deep dark secret and that meant I was doing good. [Reyes shakes his head.] Or so I thought.
[Again there is so much more that needs to be said and addressed, but baby steps.]
I'm sorry.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-28 05:16 am (UTC)He knows he’s being terrible. He knows he’s overreacted. And he knows he’s right and now that he’s started naming his feelings, he knows he has legitimate concerns and has been wildly patient, and also has waited too long to say anything and— ]
Why are you being nice? [ It comes out as a hiss, but there isn’t as much bite to it. It’s not that the other things didn’t hit; he will undoubtedly replay them endlessly and try to integrate them into his existing narrative. But nothing about this interaction makes sense to him. His own anger wars with how surreal it is to just…have had an apology. It almost feels fake. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-28 09:08 am (UTC)I could yell if it would help?
[Reyes winces and closes his eyes the second he says it. No, no don't- this is not the time to joke around. Another sigh, clipped, but it's frustration at himself at the situation. He's not sure how to navigate this. He'd not even gotten the chance to with Ryder. It was 'You're not the man I thought you were' and everything was over and it was back to business. Never discuss things again.
He couldn't do that with Balthier. Didn't want to either. He's unsure if his touch is wanted right now, but a hand grips at the back of Balthier's neck, squeezing gently as he lean in a little, eyes sad, but wanting to understand.]
It's not about being nice, Balthier, it's that I've wronged you. Wicked thief and murderous liar I might be when I have to, but... you're important to me. I want to do right by you.
no subject
Date: 2022-06-28 01:28 pm (UTC)But it’s a passing anger. Hot until it crosses his mind and then immediately deflating. His heart hurts at seeing Reyes recoil like this and Scions he did that. This isn’t what he wanted. And now the shame is joining the rest of it and some part of him considers leaving, retreating to his fortress until he can sort this out, come back polished and ready to negotiate.
Assuming Reyes would even let him come back.
Then there’s a hand on his neck, pained words. Nowhere in his calculations had he considered that perhaps Reyes wasn’t … good at this.
That touch is the anchor her needs, the assurance that whatever is happening, whatever happened, this is still open between them. He’s not being told that he’s broken it and to go.
His chest is tight and his words are tighter. ]
I thought…you wanted space. Wanted to keep distance between us. And skies above I tried. I’ve told you. I’m melancholic and needy and clingy. I want all of you, to myself, indefinitely. And I know that isn’t fair to ask.
[ Except now that he’s saying it, he isn’t sure if any of that is true, outside the very real admission of what he wants.
He hesitantly sets his hand on Reyes’s leg. He doesn’t want him to go or yell or push him away. That would have just made it easier if he was being rejected.
He hasn’t considered that he wouldn’t be. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-29 12:18 am (UTC)They're both listening to each other.]
Believe me, kitten, I've known some of this for a while now.
[The pet name harkening back to that drunken night for Balthier when he'd been a clingy lap cat and earned 'kitten' from Reyes.]
I want space between you and the Charlatan, Balthier.
[Which might make it sound like he wants space between them, but that's not what he means.]
We both have our enemies, highlights of our day jobs, but the people that want to get to the Charlatan would do anything and- [His hand slides up, cupping behind Balthier's ear now, thumb brushing across his cheek.] Leading man and god-slayer you might be, but when I think about what they would do to you...
[Shaking his head a little, his eyes close as he gently pulls Balthier in closer to touch their foreheads together. It was never about Balthier not being capable of protecting himself, it was the 'what ifs'. Like when the Kett dropped a surprise attack on that trade outpost and Reyes almost died. Shit happens, he knows this and there's still so much out here in Andromeda that Balthier and Fran aren't familiar with that for all their knowledge, strengths and skill, just one little slip up, one roll of the dice that didn't land in their favor...]
no subject
Date: 2022-06-29 12:58 am (UTC)The use of his pet name -- of endearment, affection, pleasure despite him being a mess and behaving poorly some other time -- eases his fear further and again when Reyes touches his face, then presses their foreheads together. He's not certain he deserves this, but maybe this conversation is past keeping a ledger of who did what and to what end. Maybe he forgets to leave that at work sometimes; this is something entirely different than piracy, entirely different than anything else he's ever done.
He sighs, sliding his hand further up Reyes's thigh, gripping more tightly to assure he's no longer thinking about bolting, that the last thing he wants between them is distance.
That's why he was upset, after all. ]
We do both have our enemies. Don't think I haven't spent a good deal of hours and energy considering what danger I am to you and how to mitigate it. Watching you nearly die in arms once was enough, thank you. [ He's honestly touched that this is coming from a place of...of fear of loss, of him. But that doesn't mean it isn't condescending in some way, that it doesn't leave him feeling like he's being told off for being himself within the unfair constraints given. ]
We are both dating dangerous men, hmm? [ Because they are. Dating. ] That isn't going to change, and I'll be damned if I'm going to lose you -- or leave you, mortally or otherwise. So have a conversation with me. Let me know what I'm up against, or what I'm avoiding, instead of leaving me to bang around in the dark and cross some line I didn't know about and feel set up to fail.
I'm a good listener, Reyes. But I can't hear what's never been said to me. [ That leaves him to try to fill in the gaps. And clearly he hasn't done so correctly. ]
no subject
Date: 2022-07-01 05:09 am (UTC)[It's a gentle tease, trying for a bit of normalcy. Wouldn't it be nice though if their lives of danger overlapped and negated one another? Would make all of this worrying easier.
But Balthier is right, it's not fair of Reyes to expect him to understand and follow rules when he's missing half the rulebook.]
Sometimes the darkness has its uses, but you're right... not like this.
[God but he wants to kiss him so badly now, but things are probably still a little too tense for that. He sits back, but is still close, fingers lightly brushing along Balthier's ear, toying with the earrings that adorn it.]
I've no doubt you've heard of the Outcasts and the name Sloane tossed around while on Kadara. Before you took flight to the stars they ruled Kadara Port, that is until the Charlatan killed Sloane and her vermin scattered. Needless to say we've had some problems squashing the rest of the Outcasts and there are others with their views too. Detractors to those who work with the Initiative. The people the Pathfinder works for, Ryder works for.
[Scott Ryder, the human Pathfinder for the Initiative. The people that those from the Milky Way galaxy came with to the Andromeda galaxy, looking for new worlds, new chances at life. Ryder with his crew had been working tirelessly to make multiple planets livable so they could set up outposts that would one day grow to be proper cities and civilizations. It was still very much a work in progress every where, Kadara was no different.]
There are people who would do anything to get to the Charlatan, to me, for... revenge, to take back Kadara as some sort of middle finger to the Initiative, but they don't have the numbers to take Kadara by force. So they're looking for any one they can get to who could possibly know, even just an inkling of the Charlatan's true identity.
[Reyes shifts to lean back against the couch, hand resting on Balthier's arm with a squeeze. Any distance between them right now still needs that reassurance he feels.]
It's all very dramatic, but dangerous. Keema is all but trapped in Kadara Port under constant guard as she's the obvious direct connection to me. Not that I think she would ever give me away, but... I'd rather her not get hurt because of me, nor do I want that for you. [He sighs, heavy, tired, but not at Balthier.] Any trade that the Charlatan would set up with Ivalice would be seen as gain for the Initiative, more reason for my enemies to snatch up whatever and whoever they can.
somehow this became the longest tag ever
Date: 2022-07-01 08:59 pm (UTC)He wasn't expecting--
He's equally frozen by the gentle touch at his ear, the quiet intimacy of the way Reyes likes to fiddle with his jewelry when they talk, and the words tumbling out of him. Even when he sits back, his hand lingers.
Balthier's brow knits as Reyes speaks. Is...is Reyes afraid of losing him? ]
I've had a price on my head since I was 16. I've been hunted and caught by more angry pirates than I can count. The most powerful military in the world was after me by thirty. I know how this works.
[ His hand comes up to clasp the one at his arm. ] But I'm not used to my missteps effecting someone else. [ He and Fran were so inseparable that it was different. That and they made their decisions regarding risk together. ]
I ran this person entirely through Keema. I don't think there's an issue with it sounding like I knew anything more, and I have political reason in Ivalice to want this particular pirate to get the deal. I --
[ How much has he told Reyes, really? He sighs at himself. ]
You know I killed a god. I also killed my father, to prevent more genocide, and the prevent the Empire from crushing more countries under its boot. We won, barely. That lost princess is a queen now. Another of my contacts is the king of the former empire. Scions, Reyes, they both want me there, as an advisor, as a head of intelligence, as a...a piece of all this.
I left when I was a teen to avoid all that. It doesn't matter how far I run, I always get pulled back in. Hells I ran to the other end of the stars and they're still pulling me back.
[ He's talking partly to cover that he's still thinking through Reyes's words, through being let in and the ways this fills and corrects gaps in his model of things. And partly to try to offer some understanding of why this is all hit so hard today. ]
Perhaps the best foot forward is for me to be seeking out the Charlatan. If I am too emphatic I don't know them, it could be suspicious, and claiming that I do as a sort of bravado invites someone taking me at my word.
And -- maybe we need to give each other some primers on the whose who of our worlds.
[ It's his turn to slip a hand against Reyes's cheek. It's hesitant, and some part of him is still worried it isn't welcome, that he's broken something. At least he's always been good at putting on the face he wants, not the face he feels. ]
We're going to have to find a way to make this work.
long tag filled with all the love
Date: 2022-07-03 07:07 am (UTC)There it is again, Balthier says he killed his own father, but this time there's a little more to it. God he can't imagine having that put on his shoulders. Killing family or letting people die. He can see now how the sky pirate could be insulted or hurt that he doesn't think he can handle some scoundrels wanting to kidnap or hurt him over the identity or one man. Not that it was ever that for Reyes. Balthier was very capable, even without his magicks, but it didn't stop him from being concerned.
It didn't make him feel any better knowing he was putting him in danger. That's what it was after all. Existing in his orbit was a danger and that was something he'd dragged Balthier into from the very start. It's best to let Balthier get it all out, he doesn't want to talk over him anyway. His head tilts into the hand at his cheek and he'll sigh softly, nodding.]
I'll put together dossiers on groups and people you should be knowledgeable about.
[His hand moves to lightly rest over Balthier's, face turning so he can press a kiss into his palm. His touch is always welcome, he wants him here, nothing has changed. Well. Things have changed, but not in that regard.]
This must all seem childish compared to your life, I guess you really weren't making it up when you said you were the leading man, mi amor.
[Reyes doesn't even realize he's slipped in the term of endearment, holding Balthier's hand in his lap.]
... I'm sorry, about your father, that can't have been an easy decision. [His fingers lightly brush over the sky pirate's hand, gentle, careful. There's hesitation in his words as he speaks again.] I-- can't say I like your idea, but you might be right. Either way you're putting yourself in danger. The Charlatan. Reyes Vidal. Your own wild life as the leading man.
[There's a lot he has to consider now. Not just in regard to Balthier.]
Maybe I shouldn't hide anymore. Either way people I care about, those who work for me, they're in danger, hiding behind titles and in shadows only complicates that. Not in a good way.
no subject
Date: 2022-07-03 09:50 pm (UTC)Right now, though, his chest pulls tight. He hasn't let himself dwell on images of a future, convincing himself that Reyes not returning his confession of love was a line in the sand. Not that it's done anything to keep him away; no, it's only made him conscious of wanting a thing he likely can't have, and he's old hat at that.
Now, though, with Reyes spilling his thoughts like this, kissing Balthier's palm and clinging to him like he'll drift away, he's wondering if he hasn't been a complete fool. Reyes, who has never said an unkind thing about him, who always has time for him, who looks at him like he's something precious. Reyes, who doesn't like to say anything directly. ]
I rarely make things up about my life; it's unbelievable enough on it's own. But the teeth of a dog are as real as the teeth of a wyrm. Both can kill. [ He doesn't recognize the words Reyes says, from his mother tongue by the way the sounds fit snugly with his accent, but he recognizes a term of endearment, some kind of claim on his heart. He squeezes Reyes's hand, and shifts so their legs are touching, because that seems important. ] I am not insinuating either of us is more or less than the other; that is my point. We are both plenty steeped in danger on our own. Let us at least enjoy the benefits of being together, then.
[ His mouth goes dry at the next part, I'm sorry about your father. He swallows but it doesn't help. Fran's the only person he's really talked to about it; he often brushes that incident off as triumphant pirate drama, but -- it hurts to hear it, the good sort of hurt. Permission for it to hurt. Followed by you might be right and maybe I shouldn't hide anymore.
He shifts again, half in Reyes's lap so he can press their foreheads together, clasp the back of Reyes's head in his hand. ]
You don't need to make any life altering decisions tonight, but I'll support you in what you choose. They both have their benefits, secrecy and being in the open.
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Date: 2022-07-04 07:56 am (UTC)But Balthier is worth this. Balthier is worth changing for, even if that change isn't that significant in the scheme of things. It's not even that he's changing because of any push or shove from Balthier's side of things, but because he wants to be a better man.
The better man Ryder saw him in, the man that Balthier sees in him too. Maybe he's already that, but sometimes he's not sure who or what he is. He's been a lot of things since coming to Andromeda, especially to Kadara... perhaps taking all those faces and masks and putting them into one would be the best thing.]
You could tell me you were a god yourself and I might believe, you know.
[It feels good when Balthier makes another point of connection between them, more reassurance for the both of them. Finally it feels like he can breathe a little easier, like there's a light at the end of whatever tunnel they'd been in. A small smile tugs at the corners of his lips, head nodding.]
All I can ask of you is to be patient with me. I'm a foolish man, Balthier. Add it to the list, right? Greedy, selfish and foolish, not sure why you put up with my nonsense.
[He's mostly joking, but a part of him does wonder sometimes.]
Promise I won't make any decisions irrationally, I have to talk with Keema about this. You'll be the second to know when I've made a decision.
[Because Keema will be the first, as his right hand woman.]
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Date: 2022-07-04 07:05 pm (UTC)And the rest of it, well, he's starting to reach disbelief saturation. It may be a good thing he doesn't know Reyes is feeling moved to change if not for him, in relation to him. What he does know is this man makes him feel somehow simultaneously out of his depth, utterly off balanced, and entirely rooted. Home.
Reyes's plea, gentle and playful as it is, pulls a kiss from him, quick, apology and forgiveness. There's a real benefit to not having to belabor everything with words. ]
Just how I like you. [ Because it's abundantly clear Balthier is those things too, and needs a good deal of patience, and it seems like they're both alright with that arrangement. He's thinking about addressing the end of that, or what the agreement to his request means to him, but there's a knock at the door.
He sits back, chuckling. ] I ordered us food. [ He goes to collect it -- some take out place they both like, something Reyes introduced him to, but when he comes to set it on the coffee table, he pauses at his bag, fishing out a small, pretty wooden box. He sits again, a little farther away but leg touching again, because he wants to see Reyes's face as he hands it to him. ]
Brought you something back.
[ Inside is a long glimmering green pendant on a thin chain, long enough it would sit entirely under most of Reyes's shirt necks. ]
It's a protect charm -- in Ivalice it would actually dull any physical damage toward your body. I've genuinely no idea if the spell will work away from the Mist, nor if it will work upon return, but what's romance if not symbolism and wishful thinking?
[ And maybe he worries about Reyes too, even if this is objectively not much in the way of actual protection. ]
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Date: 2022-07-06 09:19 am (UTC)They'd come out the other side still together, as thick as thieves. The kiss Balthier pecks him with is not long enough, not after everything and he follows after the pirate when he pulls back wanting more. Before he can pull Balthier back in they're interrupted, but his hand still loosely manages to reach for the sky pirate's wrist, lamely letting him go at the mention of food.
Oh. Yeah, no. Food sounded great actually. His stomach agrees, grumbling at the mention of sustenance.]
This doesn't look like food.
[Reyes teases lightly when Balthier returns with a little box. Oh, the little box is for him. He takes it gently, brows pinching slightly looking at it then up at the pirate. There's no point in asking what it is, he can open and see, which he does and Balthier is happy to provide any answers he might have as his fingers gingerly pluck the long charm up.
A protection charm?
Balthier is still talking and while he hears his words, he can't stop looking at the charm in his palm now, a soft smirk on his face.]
It will be a piece of you next to my heart.
[And having Balthier with him all the time in some sort of way was better than any spell or magick he could ever ask for. Maybe not in terms of protecting him, but shh, let him be a sappy romantic. Putting the pendant on, the thin chain around his neck, he'll smile up at Balthier now and reaches for him.]
Come here-
[There may be food waiting for them, but he wants more of his sky pirate. The kiss is demanding, but quickly softens as Reyes steals one kiss after another. Cupping Balthier's face, he'll then nuzzle in against his ear, murmuring.]
Dreadfully romantic of you, mi amor.
[And this time it's not said as a slip of the tongue. Balthier may not know what it means, but he means it all the same.]
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Date: 2022-07-06 08:20 pm (UTC)He's back in a moment though, because he doesn't want to be away a moment longer than he has to. He missed Reyes, and he really thought for a few minutes -- it's past, now, and he's grinning a little too widely at Reyes's joke because he's just happy that's where they are again, and then Reyes's face changes and it will be a piece of you next to my heart. His grin is so wide even before Reyes's hand curls around him, lips taking his and he kisses back with all the fear and relief and love that's been bubbling inside him, arms sliding around Reyes's back and body shifting in close as kiss gives way to kiss and it's just so good to be here, to be okay, to -- to be okay in spite of things being rocky.
And when Reyes takes his face, nuzzles against him like that, he sighs, a shiver going through him followed by deep-seeded warmth. And here he'd been worried this was too sappy, too much like a lover's token.
Banish the thought, Balthier. This man likes you as you are. ]
You've said that one before; are you going to translate, or leave me guessing, my treasure. [ He doesn't use that one often, but it's very much on his mind right now. There is no one like Reyes; he's seen enough of the universe to feel confident in that. And he has no interest in letting the other farther from him than is strictly necessary for at least the rest of the night. And right now, admittedly, he wants to be crystal clear that Reyes is his, and cherished, and those things have not changed tonight. ]
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Date: 2022-07-07 02:07 am (UTC)A lover's token... oh definitely. While Reyes has his own hang ups concerning his own baggage, this maybe untangles a little of that without either of them realizing.
And this stumble of there's was a good lesson for the both of them as well. That they could trip up, but after picking themselves up brush the dust off and keep going. Together. The way Balthier moves closer, his arms wrapped around him, there's so much relief in that. They're okay and they can get through these rough moments, still love one another.]
My love.
[Because he does love him. They're both such romantic saps with their pet names and terms of endearment, how can anyone stand being around them? He wants to do nothing than pull Balthier onto his lap, kiss him breathless and tell him he's his love over and over, but they really should get to that food... Reyes instead does neither, but keeps Balthier where he is, nudging his nose with his own playfully.]
It's Spanish, the language spoken where I was born on Earth.
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Date: 2022-07-07 03:06 am (UTC)Right now none of that could be farther from his mind, though, because Reyes said the L word with no hesitation -- has said it three times, really -- and Reyes's eyes are so soft and his face is absolutely radiating with affection. Balthier chuckles as Reyes bats against him, nuzzling his nose right back. ]
Your mother tongue, then? Reyes, I'm flattered. [ Murmured, because they are so close.
And look, food is important, yes, but this idiot man just fixed weeks worth of what Balthier expects was undue worrying and genuine miscommunication. And frankly, he doesn't care about that, because however they got here, he's content. Elated, even.
His legs shift, more or less straddling Reyes as one hand curls around a fistful of cloth and shirt fabric, like he could hold his heart in his hand. Nosing against Reyes once more, he breaks their touch only to press their lips together, deep and slow. For once Balthier isn't thinking about anything else, isn't calculating and weighing options or trying to make the best decision. He has the man he loves -- then man who loves him, and Scions, what a fool, hasn't he know that awhile now? -- has him here, and they are okay, they are wonderful, and nothing else quite matters. ]
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