Balthier doesn't believe that he isn't a burden, and even less that he couldn't ever be one, but he believes that in this moment she believes it. All at once he's overwhelmed with utter disbelief at her support and horrific guilt at having so thoroughly tricked her into thinking he was, he was, what? Something easy? Something good?
The thoughts don't make sense, but they're so fast and so heavy. He hasn't felt like this in years, and all that keeps rising to the surface is the terrible sense that he's failed someone who matters to him, that he was always destined to.
A single gasping sob escapes him before he buries his face in her shoulder, clinging back to her firm hold. Well. He's not coming back from this. But she doesn't pull away, just plies him with more gentle words and every indication that she wants to stay close. Unless it's just to placate him--
Gods. Can't he just turn his head off for once? Take this at face value?
"Bathe with me," he whispers, because he doesn't trust his voice any louder. "Let me touch you with tenderness, wash this off of us both." And if she still wasn't done with him after, he'd gladly hold her until the fatigue took them.
Moving back just enough to see her face, he cups it with one hand, stroking her jaw and searching her eyes, trying to sense any discomfort, any sign he ought to stop. His head is still screaming and he's having trouble tracking what he wants to say or what he thinks to risk is, but he tries to find that compass needle of honesty. "You are so precious to me," he whispers. That feels too big and too small and not the right time to say it, but it's what he has, what he needs her to know.
He breaks their hold, but only to step into the tub, hot water a constant companion on a decade or more of hard nights. He's so grateful for it, for her, and when he's settled in the water he beckons for her to join, adjusting his body to make room for her.
Resting her hand against the top of his head, she brushes her fingers through his hair, letting him hide his face for as long as he needed to. "I'm sorry we had to do that, I'm sorry I told you to do those things." As much as it had to happen, the guilt still gnawed at her quietly, and seeing him so distraught pulled it to the surface, making an apology fall from her lips. Squeezing her eyes closed she exhales a broken breath and turns her head to rest her cheek against his hair.
"Let's clean up," she answers before brushing her lips against his temple. "Then we can go to bed. I don't have a lot of blankets yet, but, I want to hold you close. Maybe it will help us both sleep." Even if it didn't, having him near her would help her, whether she slept or sat up until dawn keeping watch over him while he rests. It would be better than the unmoored feeling she knows she would be left with if Balthier wasn't there.
When he pulls back to look at her opens her eyes again, her expression softening at the sight of him, giving him a sincere but tired smile as he searches her face. "Balthier," her hand comes up, touching the inside of his wrist while he cradles her cheek. "You, and all the things we have together are so precious to me."
She steals one more gentle kiss before he's pulling back to climb into the tub while she lingers on the edge, waiting for him to get comfortable before sliding into the hot water to join him.
Turning so that her back is facing the opposite end of the tub that he's settled at, Aerith scoots forward, slight enough in build that it's not difficult to lean towards him and turn to the side, finally going still once her arms are around him and her head is resting on his shoulder. "Thank you."
There's strain in her voice, and the way she words the apology...he squeezes her tightly. "I'm not upset with you for anything, Aerith," he says into her shoulder, leaning his head back into the weight of her cheek. "You had absolute power over me and you--" A wave of nausea almost bowls him over, the weight of what anyone else could have done to him too much to think about. "You kept me safe."
She kisses his temple, tells him to stay the night, and he finally starts to realize she may need this too. "I'd like that," he agrees. What he doesn't say, can't quite get into words yet, is that he's going to be here as long as she needs, too. When he sees her face soften at the sight of him, feels her touch on his wrist, he finally gives her a weak smile, one that turns into a watery kiss as she echoes his words. He'd be hard pressed to explain what it is they have between them; all he knows is she makes him feel safe and grounded and he would do anything for her.
It feels strange to be without her touch for the moments it takes to get in the tub, and when she makes to get in ahead of him, he expects her to slide back into his hold. Instead she faces him, curling around him and snuggling in close. He wordlessly folds around her, one arm cradling her shoulders to him and the other reaching across her legs to securely hold her hip. He buries his nose against her hair, letting this consume his thoughts. When she thanks him, he squeezes her, not sure what else to say, because he's not sure what he's done to be thanked for.
"If there's anything else I can do for you, you tell me," he says.
Surprised again, when he's the one offering to do more for her, Aerith shakes her head, unwrapping one arm so her damp fingers can brush his cheek. "I'm the one who should be saying that."
After a long moment of being curled up against him, face hidden against his shoulder, she lifts her head enough to look at his face, kissing him lightly.
"Let me wash your hair, I want to take care of you." She means it beyond just tonight, and while she hopes he knows that, for now Aerith will be happy just seeing them both past this.
Turning herself enough so that she's settled in his lap facing him, Aerith reaches toward a bottle of shampoo, getting some on her palm before rubbing her hands together. "We're both going to feel a lot better tomorrow," she continues, gently as she reaches up to run her soapy fingers through his hair.
"And if we don't then you can just stay here until we do," she smiles gently as her fingers massage his scalp.
"You've already exceeded my wildest expectations," Balthier promises her, leaning his head against hers and savoring the gentle touch at his cheek. This is all right, the kind of touch he should have with her. When she moves her head to look at him again, he gives her a weak smile, finger-combing her hair away from her face. He's still too raw for anything as joyous as laughter, but when she gives him that very sweet offer in the form of an order, he exhales a little heavier, his eyes a little brighter. He's not sure he deserves it the way she seems to think he does, but it sounds wonderful, and it's clear doing so will make her happy, and that's the part of their dynamic he feels comfortable easing back into.
"Of course," he says, and no, he doesn't quite catch that she means something more than right now, but he bends his head all the same. It's probably not something he could accept from anyone else. Her fingers reach his scalp and his eyelids flutter shut, hands tightening where they still loosely hold her. Heavy, calming breathing gives way to small sounds of peaceful pleasure as she works the shampoo in, more of the tension of their evening falling off of him.
"You take excellent care of me," he whispers, echoing a thing he's said to her in much happier sexual exchanges, and very much meaning it for everything today too. "As always, I will stay until you are finished with me." Because he wants her to know that nothing has changed between them, as far as he's concerned, and if she still wants him, he's not going to deny her that.
Taking her time with soaping up his hair, Aerith dunks her hands under the water, rinsing them off before she gives him a nod. "Go rinse!" Shifting out of his way, she moves further down the tub, sitting sideways with her legs hanging over the edge, giving him room to slide under the water's surface while she looks for her soap.
"We're friends, aren't we?" At least, that had been her understanding of the situation beyond the things they got up to while they were alone. This place has done a number on her definition of friendship, and though the term doesn't exactly fit whatever it is that's happening between herself and Balthier, the sense of wanting to care for and protect felt as ironclad as it does for her friends back home. Whatever else he might be for her, he is above all things - a friend she'd do anything for.
"You take care of me too," she adds quietly once she gets close to him again, lathering up her hands with the bar of soap in her hands. Leaning in to kiss his cheek before she passes it over to him, Aerith hums quietly. "You're going to be here a while I guess," as tired as she is she manages to muster the energy to sound almost convincing when she attempts a playfully matter-of-fact tone of voice.
Reaching for him, Aerith lets her soapy hands run down the sides of his neck and across his shoulders before moving over his back, her palms curving affectionately against his shoulder blades. "Maybe if you stay here long enough you'll get chores. I have a lot of work to do in this place you know." The thought of Balthier in the floppy-brimmed straw hat she wore in her garden back home makes the small smile on her face deepen, her eyes lifting back to his. It's idle chatter sure, but it reminds her (and she hopes him too) that there are things beyond tonight, small but happy things worth looking forward to.
He's almost sorry for her to pull her hands away, but his weak smile persists as she orders him to rinse and wriggles her body around so he has room to comply. Folding his legs up against her, he slips under the water, savoring the peaceful quiet of it pressing against him while he flushes the shampoo from his hair.
When he sits back up he's dripping wet, and somehow that feels more intimate yet. Her question greets him and he searches her face for a moment. Friends doesn't seem like quite the right word, but they are more than two people who have sex together, and he feels protective of her the way he does, well, other friends. More important than that, it seems that she needs the reassurance, some kind of explicit agreement. Squeezing her arm, he nods. "We are." And then he tugs her back toward him, because as his mind calms down, he expects she needs to feel wanted and forgiven just as badly as he does. That and he wants her close.
"I'm glad to hear it," he responds back gently, and this time he hears it better. He takes the bar of soap as she hands it to him, then closes his eyes, humming contentedly into the kiss at his cheek and the way she runs her hands over him. And when she starts threatening him with chores, he finally manages a real smile.
"I'd be happy to help you with your house, Aerith." Maybe not quite playing the game correctly, but enjoying it all the same, holding onto the fact that she just keeps insisting how much she still wants him here. And when she pauses, he curls around her, running the bar of soap gently across her shoulders and collar bone before setting it aside, moving his hands in big gentle motions across her skin and massaging into her back. When they're both slippery and smelling sweetly of cleanliness and peace, he hugs her to him, kissing her hair and enjoying the way their skin slides together, the way there is no barrier between them. "And even if we finish, even after I leave, I'll come back any time you ask." It's a promise that scares him a little, but like with most things with her, the joy it brings him is so much larger.
There's so little in this place that is good, and before that, he'd met so many people over so many years. She was something precious, and he didn't really care if that made him foolish or irrational or vulnerable. He knew how to cherish rare and valuable things.
The sight of a more genuine smile from him fills her with a sense of relief. Tonight has left them both roughed up and rattled, but his smiling proves to her, in some small way, that things aren't broken entirely. Aerith has tried to keep the ragged way she's been left feeling in the aftermath of what they were made to do tamped down in favor of worrying over him, but the gentle way he reassures her, gathering her up in his arms once they're both soaped up, lifts a weight off her shoulders.
"You don't have to wait for me to ask," she answers as she lifts her head, nuzzling his cheek gently. "You're always welcome here."
She knows it's complicated to make that offer, especially in a place like this, where involvement is a complicated thing, but she means it completely.
With a sigh Aerith lets herself stretch out against Balthier, enjoying the way he's big enough to make her feel completely surrounded by him, and very safe.
The way she fits in his arms is oddly comforting. It's lovely to wrap around her, and gratifying the way she relaxes in his hold.
"Noted," he promises as she nuzzles against him, voice strained once more. That invitation means so much to him, and he hopes she knows that. "And thank you."
She adjusts against him and he shifts to accommodate. He has absolutely no desire to move from this position, though the water will grow cold and their skin wrinkled. Her suggestion of bed is probably wise, and with any luck, the worst of these hard feelings will slide down the drain with the water.
"Can't go to bed covered in soap," he murmurs, not quite ready to move yet. He gently laps the warm water over her, smoothing it down each time before sighing, pulling her close one more time and pressing kisses into her hair. "Alright. Bed."
Releasing her reluctantly, he lets her shift before dunking under the water one last time, then stands from the bath, larger reach allowing him to pull towels for the both of them, cold air already sending goosebumps over him. That's fine. He wants it cold enough to hold her all night.
Stepping out of the bath, he towels off enough he's not sopping, then turns back to her, smile real this time. "You look more like yourself," he says, low and affectionate, brushing her face with his hand. Her skin is flushed from the bath, and while she looks tired, she doesn't look as drained and sharp as she had when they started. He wraps an arm around her back, pulling her in to kiss her again, bending down so she doesn't have to strain to meet him.
"You make a good point," she murmurs, sitting up with a sigh to aid him in the task of rinsing the soap off of her skin. "Especially not for as long as I plan to keep you in bed." There's no illicit intent fueling the warmth of her words, there's nothing more risque than the highly appealing thought of holding him close in a nest of blankets until they're both well-rested and feeling less raw. If he needs more nearness than that, she's glad to share that with him, but at the present moment, Aerith just wants him hugged tight to her.
The embrace she's after comes sooner than the bedroom, when, after they've both dried off Balthier reaches for her again, pulling her to him for another kiss. If she were in a better frame of mind it would be sort of remarkable, the way they've already moved into a place where this kind of touch has become frequent, rather than reserved for the breathless moments that first morning when someone's resolve cracked enough to drive one to claim the other's mouth. His lips are soft, his kiss has become familiar, and some part of her almost flutters in appreciation for that.
"I think I feel more like myself," she says after he pulls away and her eyes have opened to take in his face, one arm looped loosely around his middle while her other hand rests on his shoulder, hugging him to her gently. "You look better too," there's still a rough edge to him that's impossible for her to miss, but his expression has lost some of the haunted tension that made her so worried.
"Come on, my room is right across the hall." After she gives him another kiss she steps towards the door, her arms staying around him as she leads the way out one door and into another.
Like the bathroom, her bedroom is still very sparsely appointed. A modest pile of blankets heaped onto a few mattresses pushed together and shoved into the corner serves as a cozy little bed, and that's where Aerith leads him, letting him go long enough to climb in and pull the blankets around her, stretching out an arm so he has room to climb in too.
"I feel like I've been waiting to be here with you for a long time." She's not sure what she means by that, in truth. She certainly had been eager to lay here with him since they returned here, but, perhaps, it's been longer than that.
Balthier doesn't think there's anything illicit to her promise to keep him in bed a long while, and in some ways that makes it more comforting and more fragile. Some part of him knows what he's worth to her when they play their game, knows what the rules are. But he'd be lying if he said the prospect of just being wanted as company wasn't utterly desirable. Nor does he have the energy to follow through on these pings of frayed, worried thoughts, and maybe that's a blessing of its own.
The way she manages to shake him out of his head and keep him focused on the good between them is starting to feel familiar. There are no words for how thankful he is for that, especially tonight, and when she kisses him back and lingers against him, he gives her a warm smile. "Good," he says, that she's feeling better, that he's less of a worry.
He lets her lead him across the hall, charmed and a little floored himself at how easy this closeness is. The room may be sparse, but the sheer novelty of real privacy makes it the most wonderful luxury he could imagine, especially following a hot bath.
When she slips out of his hold and into the blankets, holding an arm open to him, he gladly obliges, nestling in beside her. The combined heat of their bodies, bolstered by the bathwater, creates a cocoon of warmth against the cold softness of the blankets. He wraps his arm around her back and middle, resting his chin on her head. There's something ... different that he's feeling tonight, thought his thoughts are still slow and muddy so he doesn't trust his observations. But when she makes that comment, he squeezes her, exhaling a little heavier than he means. "Me too," he admits, and that pressure in his face is back. "I like being here."
For a moment, a wave of fear and nausea bubbles in him again, the passing thought of having lost her in all this more upsetting to him than he'd have expected. He tries to steady his breathing, burying his nose in her hair. The sense of panic at having to obey orders, the terror of anyone but her having had that control-- He kisses her temple, rocking her gently. If their roles had been reversed, he would hate himself right now.
Once he joins her, Aerith quickly pulls the blankets around them as she wraps her arms around his shoulders, letting him lay them both back before she shifts and presses herself against him. Humming in approval she moves around a little more, draping her upper half across his chest like a blanket, both arms wrapping around his middle as she brings her legs around him as well, seemingly trying to hug him with her whole body at the same time.
He felt so good to have this close, and tonight it went beyond the usual reasons why that was true, touching on something a little deeper. Friendship, but not quite. When Balthier tenses it pulls Aerith from her thoughts, and she lifts her head slightly, blinking as she feels him kiss her temple. Untangling one of her arms from around him, Aerith brings her hand up from beneath the blankets, leaning back enough to look at his face as her fingers touch the side of his cheek.
"Hey," she says gently, pausing long enough to kiss him. "We're here. It's safe and quiet." Aerith's hand traces his jaw before smoothing through his damp hair. "I'm going to take care of you for as long as you need."
Aerith envelopes him in limbs and he responds somewhere between a pleased hum and a chuckle, shifting her limbs slightly to fit them together better. Arms already around her, he tangles his legs in hers, happy to get lost in where one of them begins and the other ends. This morning he wouldn't have dared held her like this, and now it feels so natural it's hard to believe it's the first time they've done this.
She's so attentive to the changes in his demeanor. Frustrated with himself, he almost wishes she wasn't. Now that he's calmer, the concern is so clear on her face. If he thought he could keep this down, he'd tell her he was fine. He knows better though.
"I know," he says, more sigh to his voice than he means. This isn't something he wants to talk about, but he feels like she deserves to know this isn't about today, not really.
"I -- Balthier isn't my given name," he starts. The words already hurt in his chest, and he pauses too long, stroking her skin, reminding himself that the danger -- all of the dangers he's checking over his shoulder for -- have passed. "I changed it when I ran away and became a pirate. My father was extremely controlling. Not having choice -- cost me a lot, almost cost me everything that mattered." It's stilted and vague, but he hopes it clarifies. "I have a hard time when my agency is threatened." So did everyone, he supposed, but he knew his reaction would take a few days to work through his system; it usually did.
Her arm tightens around him while he speaks, that sense of protectiveness she felt standing with him in the field, using the skirt of her dress to try and shield them both from the leering glances of the others around them flaring again as she listens to him tell her about the life fled from, and the reasons why he left.
It strikes a chord with her, Aerith understands the desperate panic that comes from not having a choice. She's felt it gnawing at her insides many times inside the Shinra lab as a child, and the memory of it makes her shift over him, moving to cover as much of his body as she could while hugging him to her.
"It's okay to have a hard time," she tilts her head and kisses the side of his face. "Even when you try to keep going forward, sometimes the past comes back for a little while," the memory of Hojo leering at her through the transparent wall of her cell as an adult, before her friends returned for her threatens, and Aerith determinedly pushes it aside in favor of kissing him again.
There's something in the way she's so protective of him, and in the choice of words for how she reassures him, that not for the first time he suspects she's had her own struggles. "You're right. It passes easier with good company, too." He holds her back just as tight, meeting her kisses slow and deep, because everything he can say with his body is so much clearer than his words right now, and not in the way they've previously tangled in bed.
Which is maybe why he doesn't notice the way arousal quietly starts to warm his body. It isn't a hunger, and honestly he has no thought past wanting to keep this woman close to him. His hands gently stroke the skin he can reach, and he tightens his legs around her, anchoring her here and now with him.
"I know I told you already, but, I'm really happy you're here." Her free hand runs down his arm as she ducks her head to kiss his shoulder, giving them both better things to think about than the past hurts that shaped them into the people now wading through the aftermath of a violating night.
Aerith looks back at his face, searching it before she leans in again for another long kiss, her thighs tensing, trying to draw him closer as she murmurs his name affectionately against his lips, happy to drink in all the warmth he has to offer, and give him everything he needs to make him feel better in return.
He hears it better this time, though, grateful she's said it again. The way she kisses him, the way she tenses around him and whispers his name -- he hums against her lips, and when she breaks away he murmurs her name back, hand trailing down her neck before he kisses her slowly again. Without really realizing what he's doing, that hand follows the line of her body until his hand rests gently filled with her breast. Their bodies shift and it's clear he's getting hard.
"Aerith," he breathes as their kiss breaks again. "I want to make you feel good -- no games, just us." Some part of him thinks this is selfish, but the way her thighs continue to contract, the way she kisses him -- the smarter part of him thinks this is the best thing he can give her. The next time is going to be in the shadow of tonight; why not wash that from them entirely?
And he wants to be as close to her as he can be. He's utterly relieved that he does.
The feel of his hand as it curves over her breast surprises her, albeit distantly, realizing that a part of her remained largely uncertain of how they would return to that kind of closeness after what happened. She's been preparing herself to give it all the time it needed, more than happy to wait as long as she still got to see him and be around him. His touch is unexpected, but far from unwelcome, and after a split second spent processing it, Aerith leans into him, nodding earnestly.
"I want to do the same for you," she whispers against his lips, lifting her hips enough to let herself press against his length as it hardens between them while she kisses him again. "I want it to be just us," it's strange how coming together as themselves, without the roles they like to assume to provide the backdrop, feels so new. Were it not for the night already being so heavy, Aerith might have stopped to consider the gravity of the situation, what this abandonment of the game and her willingness to put it down just to be with him could mean. At the moment, that sort of thing feels too complicated to dwell on when she would rather focus her attention on Balthier.
Still caught up in kissing him, her hand moves between them wrapping around his cock before she guides his head to press against her entrance. "Please," she whispers between kisses. "I want you inside me."
He wasn't sure what he'd expected -- feared, really -- but it wasn't the firm reciprocation she gives him. She adjusts to press against him and he sighs against her lips, threading his fingers through her hair before holding her tight to him, hand on her breast slowly massaging her soft, tender flesh. It's clear how much she wants him near in the way she clings to him and kisses him, but there's still something so reassuring to hearing her say it, and a line he wouldn't cross without her express permission. This is utterly new, even given everything they've done, and somehow feels more delicate and more important. That should terrify him, but honestly it just makes him feel safe, and beside that makes him so deeply want to take care of her.
Her hand slides between them, steering him to her entrance as they continue their deep, slow kisses and his hands run slowly over her flesh. He's not expecting the way her words make him shudder, kissing her harder as he adjusts their bodies so he's square on his back and she's centered over him. The kisses hardly falter as he puts her hand back on his cock, slowly rolling his hips up toward her. He hisses with pleasure as he gradually slips into her tight hot folds, marveling at being so clearly welcome. "Aerith," he murmurs, hand coming back to her face as the other trails down her back, fingers tracing on either side of her spine even as he finally rolls the entirety of his length inside her. "I want you," he whispers, stroking her cheek and staring up with all the awe and affection and disbelief rattling around inside them. There's so much mess in this place, but right now it's falling away, and all he cares about is focusing on her.
Happy to give herself over to the level of warmth and nearness she knows they're both after, despite the departure from the usual way they approach each other, Aerith lifts herself enough to tip her hips towards Balthier, inhaling a sharp breath when she feels him begin to sink into her. She pushes aside the part of her telling her that this is different, a departure from the games they play, an act motivated by something a little deeper than merely being subject to their surroundings and a certain level of attraction and interest. Whatever these new nuances are, they fall to the wayside in favor of taking every facet of this moment in and adoring it.
Turning her face towards the hand Balthier touches her cheek with, Aerith presses a kiss to his palm, his name coming in a hot exhale against his skin as she feels him fill her. Curving her body against his as she leans closer, her thighs squeeze his hips while she rocks herself against him, pulling a gasp out of her before her lips find his, kissing him almost imploringly. "I'm here, please, you have me." Aerith breaks their kiss off, her lips pressing against the line of his jaw before tips her chin up to press kisses all over his face while the palms of her hands run down his chest and along his sides, greedily touching as much of him as she can manage.
There's something pointedly different in the way she kisses his palm and the way they both murmur each other's name as their bodies slide together. He refuses to dwell on it, refuses to let anything else tonight occupy his mind that isn't just contentment at her being near. As she holds him and rocks so sweetly against him, the moisture that's been threatening all night finally, silently rolls down the corner of his eyes, not sad, not painful, just release.
The way she kisses him, though, he wants to just cradle her and convince her that it's alright, she's alright. "Shh," he coos back, thumb stroking her cheek. "I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." Did it scare her that much when his mind went away? He can't fix that, but he can be so present with her now. She breaks off their kiss, hands roving, and he sighs so happily, humming into the gentle kisses on his face. His touch mirrors hers, fingers trailing down her sides and rubbing up her back, firm and steady.
That jagged energy is still tense in her body though. He'd meant to give her control by having her on top of him, but now he thinks what she needs is just to be taken care of. Holding their bodies together, he rolls them without leaving her warm folds, kissing her forehead and cheeks as he rocks into her, still slow but letting some of his weight pin her down, one arm resettling the blankets around them both. She's so small, and he wants to build a cocoon around her, keep everything painful away.
Balthier moves to swap their positions, and Aerith lets herself go along willingly, content to be pressed back against the bed while covered so completely by his larger frame. Her legs wrap around his hips loosely, enough to keep him close to her while still giving him space to move. One arm stays around his shoulders as she arches her back, pressing herself against him, kissing along his throat before her mouth finds his again. "You feel perfect," Aerith whispers into that kiss, reveling in how warm and close he is, how completely he fills her.
Her hips meet his as he moves, tipping towards him, encouraging his thrusts, wordlessly urging him deeper into her. The thought that it's been a while since she's been with someone like this, not because of some drink, some suggestive room, or some weirdness in the air, but because she wants to, wants them comes and goes, her focus too centered on the feel of his body and the expression on his face to let it linger for long.
Aerith's free hand cradles Balthier's cheek, a soft whimper escaping her as her bright eyes sweep over his face, the corners of her lips curving into a dazed, wonderstruck smile.
Her legs up around his middle is lovely, giving him room to maneuver and feeling warm and comforting. When she arches against him, he catches her up, squeezing her tight and tilting his head as she kisses the column of his throat. It's only a few moments before his lips look for hers again, wanting that sense of connectedness more than any specific stimulation.
"Good," he whispers back, afraid to say more because he's having similar thoughts. How long has it been since he just wanted to be close to someone? What does it mean that he wants to now? She's whimpering for him, though, and her face is so dazed and happy and that's all he can think about, smiling just as dazedly back as he uses their adjusted angle to thrust deep into her and pull back slowly.
"Gods, Aerith, you are unbelievably stunning," he murmurs between kisses. She feels so good, and he wants to draw this out forever, just wrapped in each other feeling wonderful. Their perfect rocking is starting to pull moans from him, and he breaks off their kisses to bury his face in her neck for a moment, one hand coming to her breast the way she likes.
Like him, she's in no rush to bring this to its natural conclusion, everything in this nest of blankets fills her senses, chasing out the chill of the night, and the larger, overhanging bleakness that comes with being confined in this prison. Whatever it means to find so much respite and comfort in doing this with someone can remain unexplored for now. For once, she doesn't want to reach for his buttons and push them, or crack a joke and disarm him by making him smile, things are, as she told him - perfect like this, and it's more than she expected and more than enough to soothe the raw edges left behind from the incident out in the field.
Her fingers run down the sides of his neck, the compliment he gives her pulling a breathless laugh from her while she leans in, kissing the underside of his chin before he's hiding his face in her hair and she's wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. The slow, deep, cadence of the rhythm he moves his hips with quietly works away at her resolve, sending waves of pleasure through her, her nerves seeming to sing in response, compelling her to move with him, gasping each time he sinks back into her, leaving her rocking against his cock as he fills her.
"Balthier," she gasps, her hands moving down his body, grasping hold of his hips as her legs tighten around him, making him still while his cock's pressed inside her. "Stop, stop," she breathes, smiling broadly as her mouth claims his again. "Stay like this for a second, I don't want it to end yet." She's not sure how long she can make it last like this, he's already urged her past the point where she's already beginning to ache for more of that delicious movement, but Aerith's determined to make it wait while she takes in every detail of this moment, committing it to memory.
There's nothing more perfect he could imagine than the way she gasps and arches against him, moving to meet him even as she kisses against him, dazzling him with smiles and happy whimpers. Her walls begin to contract around him and he moans back. He keeps true to his intention to go slow, but there's no denying the tingling heat as they move toward tipping, and his fingers knead into her breast in search of her sighs of pleasure.
When she clamps around him, pleading for him to stop and wait, he can't help but chuckle lowly. There's a heady mix of pride and relief at how easy it was to get her so close to orgasm, how close he is. "Let me look at you then," he murmurs back, stilling his hips when he's full inside her, loving they way they twitch against each other. He brushes that long, gorgeous hair from her face, spilled out around her to where the blankets cover both of them. He sighs, knuckle running down her cheek, having to focus a little to keep his hips from rocking of their own accord and not quite succeeding.
"I'm so glad I went to that silly shop that morning," he tells her with a smile that's bright and warm, eyelids heavy as he takes her in. "And I'm so glad I'm here with you now." He leans down to kiss her again, letting his weight press against her torso, his fingers tangling up into her hair. There's no game, no push to overwhelm her, he just can't keep away from how badly he wants to touch ever piece of her and chase away anything that isn't beautiful comfort.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-11-11 03:25 am (UTC)The thoughts don't make sense, but they're so fast and so heavy. He hasn't felt like this in years, and all that keeps rising to the surface is the terrible sense that he's failed someone who matters to him, that he was always destined to.
A single gasping sob escapes him before he buries his face in her shoulder, clinging back to her firm hold. Well. He's not coming back from this. But she doesn't pull away, just plies him with more gentle words and every indication that she wants to stay close. Unless it's just to placate him--
Gods. Can't he just turn his head off for once? Take this at face value?
"Bathe with me," he whispers, because he doesn't trust his voice any louder. "Let me touch you with tenderness, wash this off of us both." And if she still wasn't done with him after, he'd gladly hold her until the fatigue took them.
Moving back just enough to see her face, he cups it with one hand, stroking her jaw and searching her eyes, trying to sense any discomfort, any sign he ought to stop. His head is still screaming and he's having trouble tracking what he wants to say or what he thinks to risk is, but he tries to find that compass needle of honesty. "You are so precious to me," he whispers. That feels too big and too small and not the right time to say it, but it's what he has, what he needs her to know.
He breaks their hold, but only to step into the tub, hot water a constant companion on a decade or more of hard nights. He's so grateful for it, for her, and when he's settled in the water he beckons for her to join, adjusting his body to make room for her.
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Date: 2022-11-11 03:58 am (UTC)"Let's clean up," she answers before brushing her lips against his temple. "Then we can go to bed. I don't have a lot of blankets yet, but, I want to hold you close. Maybe it will help us both sleep." Even if it didn't, having him near her would help her, whether she slept or sat up until dawn keeping watch over him while he rests. It would be better than the unmoored feeling she knows she would be left with if Balthier wasn't there.
When he pulls back to look at her opens her eyes again, her expression softening at the sight of him, giving him a sincere but tired smile as he searches her face. "Balthier," her hand comes up, touching the inside of his wrist while he cradles her cheek. "You, and all the things we have together are so precious to me."
She steals one more gentle kiss before he's pulling back to climb into the tub while she lingers on the edge, waiting for him to get comfortable before sliding into the hot water to join him.
Turning so that her back is facing the opposite end of the tub that he's settled at, Aerith scoots forward, slight enough in build that it's not difficult to lean towards him and turn to the side, finally going still once her arms are around him and her head is resting on his shoulder. "Thank you."
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Date: 2022-11-11 04:32 am (UTC)She kisses his temple, tells him to stay the night, and he finally starts to realize she may need this too. "I'd like that," he agrees. What he doesn't say, can't quite get into words yet, is that he's going to be here as long as she needs, too. When he sees her face soften at the sight of him, feels her touch on his wrist, he finally gives her a weak smile, one that turns into a watery kiss as she echoes his words. He'd be hard pressed to explain what it is they have between them; all he knows is she makes him feel safe and grounded and he would do anything for her.
It feels strange to be without her touch for the moments it takes to get in the tub, and when she makes to get in ahead of him, he expects her to slide back into his hold. Instead she faces him, curling around him and snuggling in close. He wordlessly folds around her, one arm cradling her shoulders to him and the other reaching across her legs to securely hold her hip. He buries his nose against her hair, letting this consume his thoughts. When she thanks him, he squeezes her, not sure what else to say, because he's not sure what he's done to be thanked for.
"If there's anything else I can do for you, you tell me," he says.
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Date: 2022-11-11 05:07 pm (UTC)After a long moment of being curled up against him, face hidden against his shoulder, she lifts her head enough to look at his face, kissing him lightly.
"Let me wash your hair, I want to take care of you." She means it beyond just tonight, and while she hopes he knows that, for now Aerith will be happy just seeing them both past this.
Turning herself enough so that she's settled in his lap facing him, Aerith reaches toward a bottle of shampoo, getting some on her palm before rubbing her hands together. "We're both going to feel a lot better tomorrow," she continues, gently as she reaches up to run her soapy fingers through his hair.
"And if we don't then you can just stay here until we do," she smiles gently as her fingers massage his scalp.
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Date: 2022-11-11 11:28 pm (UTC)"Of course," he says, and no, he doesn't quite catch that she means something more than right now, but he bends his head all the same. It's probably not something he could accept from anyone else. Her fingers reach his scalp and his eyelids flutter shut, hands tightening where they still loosely hold her. Heavy, calming breathing gives way to small sounds of peaceful pleasure as she works the shampoo in, more of the tension of their evening falling off of him.
"You take excellent care of me," he whispers, echoing a thing he's said to her in much happier sexual exchanges, and very much meaning it for everything today too. "As always, I will stay until you are finished with me." Because he wants her to know that nothing has changed between them, as far as he's concerned, and if she still wants him, he's not going to deny her that.
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Date: 2022-11-12 12:31 am (UTC)"We're friends, aren't we?" At least, that had been her understanding of the situation beyond the things they got up to while they were alone. This place has done a number on her definition of friendship, and though the term doesn't exactly fit whatever it is that's happening between herself and Balthier, the sense of wanting to care for and protect felt as ironclad as it does for her friends back home. Whatever else he might be for her, he is above all things - a friend she'd do anything for.
"You take care of me too," she adds quietly once she gets close to him again, lathering up her hands with the bar of soap in her hands. Leaning in to kiss his cheek before she passes it over to him, Aerith hums quietly. "You're going to be here a while I guess," as tired as she is she manages to muster the energy to sound almost convincing when she attempts a playfully matter-of-fact tone of voice.
Reaching for him, Aerith lets her soapy hands run down the sides of his neck and across his shoulders before moving over his back, her palms curving affectionately against his shoulder blades. "Maybe if you stay here long enough you'll get chores. I have a lot of work to do in this place you know." The thought of Balthier in the floppy-brimmed straw hat she wore in her garden back home makes the small smile on her face deepen, her eyes lifting back to his. It's idle chatter sure, but it reminds her (and she hopes him too) that there are things beyond tonight, small but happy things worth looking forward to.
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Date: 2022-11-12 05:39 pm (UTC)When he sits back up he's dripping wet, and somehow that feels more intimate yet. Her question greets him and he searches her face for a moment. Friends doesn't seem like quite the right word, but they are more than two people who have sex together, and he feels protective of her the way he does, well, other friends. More important than that, it seems that she needs the reassurance, some kind of explicit agreement. Squeezing her arm, he nods. "We are." And then he tugs her back toward him, because as his mind calms down, he expects she needs to feel wanted and forgiven just as badly as he does. That and he wants her close.
"I'm glad to hear it," he responds back gently, and this time he hears it better. He takes the bar of soap as she hands it to him, then closes his eyes, humming contentedly into the kiss at his cheek and the way she runs her hands over him. And when she starts threatening him with chores, he finally manages a real smile.
"I'd be happy to help you with your house, Aerith." Maybe not quite playing the game correctly, but enjoying it all the same, holding onto the fact that she just keeps insisting how much she still wants him here. And when she pauses, he curls around her, running the bar of soap gently across her shoulders and collar bone before setting it aside, moving his hands in big gentle motions across her skin and massaging into her back. When they're both slippery and smelling sweetly of cleanliness and peace, he hugs her to him, kissing her hair and enjoying the way their skin slides together, the way there is no barrier between them. "And even if we finish, even after I leave, I'll come back any time you ask." It's a promise that scares him a little, but like with most things with her, the joy it brings him is so much larger.
There's so little in this place that is good, and before that, he'd met so many people over so many years. She was something precious, and he didn't really care if that made him foolish or irrational or vulnerable. He knew how to cherish rare and valuable things.
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Date: 2022-11-12 07:59 pm (UTC)"You don't have to wait for me to ask," she answers as she lifts her head, nuzzling his cheek gently. "You're always welcome here."
She knows it's complicated to make that offer, especially in a place like this, where involvement is a complicated thing, but she means it completely.
With a sigh Aerith lets herself stretch out against Balthier, enjoying the way he's big enough to make her feel completely surrounded by him, and very safe.
"When you're ready, let's go to bed."
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Date: 2022-11-12 10:50 pm (UTC)"Noted," he promises as she nuzzles against him, voice strained once more. That invitation means so much to him, and he hopes she knows that. "And thank you."
She adjusts against him and he shifts to accommodate. He has absolutely no desire to move from this position, though the water will grow cold and their skin wrinkled. Her suggestion of bed is probably wise, and with any luck, the worst of these hard feelings will slide down the drain with the water.
"Can't go to bed covered in soap," he murmurs, not quite ready to move yet. He gently laps the warm water over her, smoothing it down each time before sighing, pulling her close one more time and pressing kisses into her hair. "Alright. Bed."
Releasing her reluctantly, he lets her shift before dunking under the water one last time, then stands from the bath, larger reach allowing him to pull towels for the both of them, cold air already sending goosebumps over him. That's fine. He wants it cold enough to hold her all night.
Stepping out of the bath, he towels off enough he's not sopping, then turns back to her, smile real this time. "You look more like yourself," he says, low and affectionate, brushing her face with his hand. Her skin is flushed from the bath, and while she looks tired, she doesn't look as drained and sharp as she had when they started. He wraps an arm around her back, pulling her in to kiss her again, bending down so she doesn't have to strain to meet him.
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Date: 2022-11-13 12:10 am (UTC)The embrace she's after comes sooner than the bedroom, when, after they've both dried off Balthier reaches for her again, pulling her to him for another kiss. If she were in a better frame of mind it would be sort of remarkable, the way they've already moved into a place where this kind of touch has become frequent, rather than reserved for the breathless moments that first morning when someone's resolve cracked enough to drive one to claim the other's mouth. His lips are soft, his kiss has become familiar, and some part of her almost flutters in appreciation for that.
"I think I feel more like myself," she says after he pulls away and her eyes have opened to take in his face, one arm looped loosely around his middle while her other hand rests on his shoulder, hugging him to her gently. "You look better too," there's still a rough edge to him that's impossible for her to miss, but his expression has lost some of the haunted tension that made her so worried.
"Come on, my room is right across the hall." After she gives him another kiss she steps towards the door, her arms staying around him as she leads the way out one door and into another.
Like the bathroom, her bedroom is still very sparsely appointed. A modest pile of blankets heaped onto a few mattresses pushed together and shoved into the corner serves as a cozy little bed, and that's where Aerith leads him, letting him go long enough to climb in and pull the blankets around her, stretching out an arm so he has room to climb in too.
"I feel like I've been waiting to be here with you for a long time." She's not sure what she means by that, in truth. She certainly had been eager to lay here with him since they returned here, but, perhaps, it's been longer than that.
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Date: 2022-11-13 01:47 am (UTC)The way she manages to shake him out of his head and keep him focused on the good between them is starting to feel familiar. There are no words for how thankful he is for that, especially tonight, and when she kisses him back and lingers against him, he gives her a warm smile. "Good," he says, that she's feeling better, that he's less of a worry.
He lets her lead him across the hall, charmed and a little floored himself at how easy this closeness is. The room may be sparse, but the sheer novelty of real privacy makes it the most wonderful luxury he could imagine, especially following a hot bath.
When she slips out of his hold and into the blankets, holding an arm open to him, he gladly obliges, nestling in beside her. The combined heat of their bodies, bolstered by the bathwater, creates a cocoon of warmth against the cold softness of the blankets. He wraps his arm around her back and middle, resting his chin on her head. There's something ... different that he's feeling tonight, thought his thoughts are still slow and muddy so he doesn't trust his observations. But when she makes that comment, he squeezes her, exhaling a little heavier than he means. "Me too," he admits, and that pressure in his face is back. "I like being here."
For a moment, a wave of fear and nausea bubbles in him again, the passing thought of having lost her in all this more upsetting to him than he'd have expected. He tries to steady his breathing, burying his nose in her hair. The sense of panic at having to obey orders, the terror of anyone but her having had that control-- He kisses her temple, rocking her gently. If their roles had been reversed, he would hate himself right now.
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Date: 2022-11-13 03:02 am (UTC)He felt so good to have this close, and tonight it went beyond the usual reasons why that was true, touching on something a little deeper. Friendship, but not quite. When Balthier tenses it pulls Aerith from her thoughts, and she lifts her head slightly, blinking as she feels him kiss her temple. Untangling one of her arms from around him, Aerith brings her hand up from beneath the blankets, leaning back enough to look at his face as her fingers touch the side of his cheek.
"Hey," she says gently, pausing long enough to kiss him. "We're here. It's safe and quiet." Aerith's hand traces his jaw before smoothing through his damp hair. "I'm going to take care of you for as long as you need."
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Date: 2022-11-13 03:31 am (UTC)She's so attentive to the changes in his demeanor. Frustrated with himself, he almost wishes she wasn't. Now that he's calmer, the concern is so clear on her face. If he thought he could keep this down, he'd tell her he was fine. He knows better though.
"I know," he says, more sigh to his voice than he means. This isn't something he wants to talk about, but he feels like she deserves to know this isn't about today, not really.
"I -- Balthier isn't my given name," he starts. The words already hurt in his chest, and he pauses too long, stroking her skin, reminding himself that the danger -- all of the dangers he's checking over his shoulder for -- have passed. "I changed it when I ran away and became a pirate. My father was extremely controlling. Not having choice -- cost me a lot, almost cost me everything that mattered." It's stilted and vague, but he hopes it clarifies. "I have a hard time when my agency is threatened." So did everyone, he supposed, but he knew his reaction would take a few days to work through his system; it usually did.
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Date: 2022-11-13 03:52 am (UTC)It strikes a chord with her, Aerith understands the desperate panic that comes from not having a choice. She's felt it gnawing at her insides many times inside the Shinra lab as a child, and the memory of it makes her shift over him, moving to cover as much of his body as she could while hugging him to her.
"It's okay to have a hard time," she tilts her head and kisses the side of his face. "Even when you try to keep going forward, sometimes the past comes back for a little while," the memory of Hojo leering at her through the transparent wall of her cell as an adult, before her friends returned for her threatens, and Aerith determinedly pushes it aside in favor of kissing him again.
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Date: 2022-11-13 04:21 am (UTC)Which is maybe why he doesn't notice the way arousal quietly starts to warm his body. It isn't a hunger, and honestly he has no thought past wanting to keep this woman close to him. His hands gently stroke the skin he can reach, and he tightens his legs around her, anchoring her here and now with him.
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Date: 2022-11-13 04:37 am (UTC)Aerith looks back at his face, searching it before she leans in again for another long kiss, her thighs tensing, trying to draw him closer as she murmurs his name affectionately against his lips, happy to drink in all the warmth he has to offer, and give him everything he needs to make him feel better in return.
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Date: 2022-11-13 05:09 am (UTC)"Aerith," he breathes as their kiss breaks again. "I want to make you feel good -- no games, just us." Some part of him thinks this is selfish, but the way her thighs continue to contract, the way she kisses him -- the smarter part of him thinks this is the best thing he can give her. The next time is going to be in the shadow of tonight; why not wash that from them entirely?
And he wants to be as close to her as he can be. He's utterly relieved that he does.
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Date: 2022-11-13 05:32 am (UTC)"I want to do the same for you," she whispers against his lips, lifting her hips enough to let herself press against his length as it hardens between them while she kisses him again. "I want it to be just us," it's strange how coming together as themselves, without the roles they like to assume to provide the backdrop, feels so new. Were it not for the night already being so heavy, Aerith might have stopped to consider the gravity of the situation, what this abandonment of the game and her willingness to put it down just to be with him could mean. At the moment, that sort of thing feels too complicated to dwell on when she would rather focus her attention on Balthier.
Still caught up in kissing him, her hand moves between them wrapping around his cock before she guides his head to press against her entrance. "Please," she whispers between kisses. "I want you inside me."
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Date: 2022-11-13 03:59 pm (UTC)Her hand slides between them, steering him to her entrance as they continue their deep, slow kisses and his hands run slowly over her flesh. He's not expecting the way her words make him shudder, kissing her harder as he adjusts their bodies so he's square on his back and she's centered over him. The kisses hardly falter as he puts her hand back on his cock, slowly rolling his hips up toward her. He hisses with pleasure as he gradually slips into her tight hot folds, marveling at being so clearly welcome. "Aerith," he murmurs, hand coming back to her face as the other trails down her back, fingers tracing on either side of her spine even as he finally rolls the entirety of his length inside her. "I want you," he whispers, stroking her cheek and staring up with all the awe and affection and disbelief rattling around inside them. There's so much mess in this place, but right now it's falling away, and all he cares about is focusing on her.
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Date: 2022-11-13 05:23 pm (UTC)Turning her face towards the hand Balthier touches her cheek with, Aerith presses a kiss to his palm, his name coming in a hot exhale against his skin as she feels him fill her. Curving her body against his as she leans closer, her thighs squeeze his hips while she rocks herself against him, pulling a gasp out of her before her lips find his, kissing him almost imploringly. "I'm here, please, you have me." Aerith breaks their kiss off, her lips pressing against the line of his jaw before tips her chin up to press kisses all over his face while the palms of her hands run down his chest and along his sides, greedily touching as much of him as she can manage.
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Date: 2022-11-13 06:03 pm (UTC)The way she kisses him, though, he wants to just cradle her and convince her that it's alright, she's alright. "Shh," he coos back, thumb stroking her cheek. "I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." Did it scare her that much when his mind went away? He can't fix that, but he can be so present with her now. She breaks off their kiss, hands roving, and he sighs so happily, humming into the gentle kisses on his face. His touch mirrors hers, fingers trailing down her sides and rubbing up her back, firm and steady.
That jagged energy is still tense in her body though. He'd meant to give her control by having her on top of him, but now he thinks what she needs is just to be taken care of. Holding their bodies together, he rolls them without leaving her warm folds, kissing her forehead and cheeks as he rocks into her, still slow but letting some of his weight pin her down, one arm resettling the blankets around them both. She's so small, and he wants to build a cocoon around her, keep everything painful away.
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Date: 2022-11-13 06:44 pm (UTC)Her hips meet his as he moves, tipping towards him, encouraging his thrusts, wordlessly urging him deeper into her. The thought that it's been a while since she's been with someone like this, not because of some drink, some suggestive room, or some weirdness in the air, but because she wants to, wants them comes and goes, her focus too centered on the feel of his body and the expression on his face to let it linger for long.
Aerith's free hand cradles Balthier's cheek, a soft whimper escaping her as her bright eyes sweep over his face, the corners of her lips curving into a dazed, wonderstruck smile.
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Date: 2022-11-13 07:25 pm (UTC)"Good," he whispers back, afraid to say more because he's having similar thoughts. How long has it been since he just wanted to be close to someone? What does it mean that he wants to now? She's whimpering for him, though, and her face is so dazed and happy and that's all he can think about, smiling just as dazedly back as he uses their adjusted angle to thrust deep into her and pull back slowly.
"Gods, Aerith, you are unbelievably stunning," he murmurs between kisses. She feels so good, and he wants to draw this out forever, just wrapped in each other feeling wonderful. Their perfect rocking is starting to pull moans from him, and he breaks off their kisses to bury his face in her neck for a moment, one hand coming to her breast the way she likes.
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Date: 2022-11-13 10:00 pm (UTC)Her fingers run down the sides of his neck, the compliment he gives her pulling a breathless laugh from her while she leans in, kissing the underside of his chin before he's hiding his face in her hair and she's wrapping her arms around him and pulling him into a hug. The slow, deep, cadence of the rhythm he moves his hips with quietly works away at her resolve, sending waves of pleasure through her, her nerves seeming to sing in response, compelling her to move with him, gasping each time he sinks back into her, leaving her rocking against his cock as he fills her.
"Balthier," she gasps, her hands moving down his body, grasping hold of his hips as her legs tighten around him, making him still while his cock's pressed inside her. "Stop, stop," she breathes, smiling broadly as her mouth claims his again. "Stay like this for a second, I don't want it to end yet." She's not sure how long she can make it last like this, he's already urged her past the point where she's already beginning to ache for more of that delicious movement, but Aerith's determined to make it wait while she takes in every detail of this moment, committing it to memory.
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Date: 2022-11-14 12:09 am (UTC)When she clamps around him, pleading for him to stop and wait, he can't help but chuckle lowly. There's a heady mix of pride and relief at how easy it was to get her so close to orgasm, how close he is. "Let me look at you then," he murmurs back, stilling his hips when he's full inside her, loving they way they twitch against each other. He brushes that long, gorgeous hair from her face, spilled out around her to where the blankets cover both of them. He sighs, knuckle running down her cheek, having to focus a little to keep his hips from rocking of their own accord and not quite succeeding.
"I'm so glad I went to that silly shop that morning," he tells her with a smile that's bright and warm, eyelids heavy as he takes her in. "And I'm so glad I'm here with you now." He leans down to kiss her again, letting his weight press against her torso, his fingers tangling up into her hair. There's no game, no push to overwhelm her, he just can't keep away from how badly he wants to touch ever piece of her and chase away anything that isn't beautiful comfort.
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